mocked God. The former of these cursed iniquities excited me to think of writing, preaching, or converting heathens, or performing some other great work, that my name might live when I should be dead. My soul was in anguish, and ready to drop into despair, to find so much of that cursed temper. With this, and the other evil flaboured under, viz. wandering thoughts, I was almost overwhelmed, and even ready to give over striving after a spirit of devotion; and oftentimes sunk into a considerable degree of despondency, and thought I was "more brutish than any man." Yet after all my sorrows, I trust, through grace, this day and the exercises of it have been for my good, and taught me more of my corruption, and weakness without Christ, than I knew before.

Dec. 14. "Near noon, went to the Indians; but knew not what to say to them, and was ashamed to look them in the face. I felt that I had no power to address their consciences, and therefore had no boldness to say any thing. Was, Was, much of the day, in a degree of despair about ever "doing or seeing any good in the land of the living.".

He continued under the same dejection the next day.

Lord's day, Dec. 16. "Was so overwhelmed with dejection, that I knew not how to live. I longed for death exceedingly my soul was sunk into deep waters, and the floods were ready to drown me. I was so much oppressed, that my soul was in a kind of horror; could not keep my thoughts fixed in prayer, for the space of one minute, without fluttering and distraction; and was exceedingly ashamed, that I did not live to God. I had no distressing doubt about my own state; but would have cheerfully ventured (as far as I could possibly know) into eternity. While I was going to preach to the Indians, my soul was in anguish ; I was so overborne with discouragement, that I despaired of doing any good, and was driven to my wit's-end; I knew nothing what to say, nor what course to take. But at last I insisted on the evidence we have of the truth of Christianity from the miracles of Christ; many of which I set before them: and God helped me to make a close application to those who refused to believe the truth of what I taught them. Indeed, I was enabled to speak to the consciences of all, in some measure, and was somewhat encouraged, to find that God enabled me to be faithful once more. Then came and preached to another company of them; but was very weary and faint. In the evening, I was refreshed, and enabled to pray and praise God with composure and affection; had some enlargement and courage with respect to my work; was willing to live, and longed to do more for God than my weak state of body would admit of. "I can

do all things through Christ that strengthens me;" and by his grace, I am willing to spend and be spent in his service, when am not thus sunk in dejection, and a kind of despair.

Dec. 17. "Was comfortable in mind, most of the day; was enabled to pray with some freedom, cheerfulness, composure, and devotion; and had also some assistance in writing on a divine subject.

Dec. 18. "Went to the Indians, and discoursed to them near an hour, without any power to come close to their hearts. But at last I felt some fervency, and God helped me to speak with warmth. My Interpreter also was amazingly assisted and I doubt not but that "the Spirit of God was upon him;" though I had no reason to think he had any true and saving grace, but was only under conviction of his lost state; and presently upon this most of the grown persons were much affected, and the tears ran down their cheeks. One old man, I suppose an hundred years old, was so much affected, that he wept, and seemed convinced of the importance of what I taught them. I staid with them a considerable time, exhorting and directing them; and came away, lifting up my heart to God in prayer and praise, and encouraged and exhorted my Interpreter to "strive to enter in at the strait gate." Came home, and spent most of the evening in prayer and thanksgiving; and found myself much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly concerned, that the Lord's work which seemed to be begun, might be carried on with power, to the conversion of poor souls, and the glory of divine grace.

And

Dec. 19. 66 Spent a great part of the day in prayer to God, for the outpouring of his Spirit on my poor people; as, also, to bless his name for awakening my Interpreter and some others, and giving us some tokens of his presence yesterday. blessed be God, I had much freedom, five or six times in the day, in prayer and praise, and felt a weighty concern upon my spirit for the salvation of those precious souls, and the enlargement of the Redeemer's kingdom among them. My soul hoped in God for some success in my ministry: and blessed be his name for so much hope.

Dec. 20. "Was enabled to visit the throne of grace frequently this day; and through divine goodness enjoyed much freedom and fervency, sundry times: was much assisted in crying for mercy for my poor people, and felt cheerfulness and hope in my requests for them. I spent much of the day in writing; but was enabled to intermix prayer with my studies.

Dec. 21. "Was enabled again to pray with freedom, cheerfulness, and hope. God was pleased to make the duty comfortable and pleasant to me; so that I delighted to persevere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Towards noon, visited my people, and spent the whole time in the way to them in prayer, VOL. X.

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longing to see the power of God among them, as there ap peared something of it the last Tuesday; and I found it sweet to rest and hope in God. Preached to them twice, and at two distinct places: had considerable freedom each time, and so had my Interpreter. Several of them followed me from one place to the other: and I thought there was some divine influence discernible amongst them. In the evening, was assisted in prayer again. Blessed be the Lord!"

Very much the same things are expressed concerning his inward frame, exercises, and assistances on Saturday, as on the preceding days. He observes, that this was a comfortable week to him. But then concludes, "Oh that I had no reason to complain of much barrenness! Oh that there were no vain thoughts and evil affections lodged within me! The Lord knows how I long for that world, where they rest day nor night saying, Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty!" On the following Sabbath he speaks of assistance and freedom in his public work, but as having less of the sensible presence of God, than frequently in the week past; but yet says his soul was kept from sinking in discouragement. On Monday, again, he seemed to enjoy very much the same liberty and fervency, through the day, which he enjoyed through the greater part of the preceding week.This day, he wrote the following letter to one of his intimate friends, a clergyman in New Jersey.

"Forks of Delaware, Dec. 24, 1744.

"REV. AND Dear Brother,

"I have little to say to you about spiritual joys, and those blessed refreshments and divine consolations, with which I have been much favoured in times past; but this I can tell you, that if I gain experience in no other point, yet I am sure I do in this, viz. that the present world has nothing in it to satisfy an immortal soul; and hence, that it is not to be desired for itself, but only because God may be seen and served in it. I wish I could be more patient and willing to live in it for this end, than I can usually find myself to be. It is no virtue, I know, to desire death, only to be freed from the miseries of life; but I want that divine hope which you observed, when I saw you last, was the very sinews of vital religion. Earth can do us no good, and if there be no hope of our doing good on earth, how can we desire to live in it? Yet we ought to desire, or at least to be resigned to tarry in it; because it is the will of our all-wise Sovereign. But, perhaps, these thoughts will appear melancholy and gloomy, and, consequently, will be very undesirable

to you; and, therefore, I forbear to add, I wish you may not read them in the same circumstances in which I write them. I have a little more to do and suffer in a dark, disconsolate world; and then I hope to be as happy as you are. I should ask you to pray for me, were I worth your concern. May the Lord enable us both to "endure hardness as good soldiers of Jesus Christ;" and may we "obtain mercy of God to be faithful to the death," in the discharge of our respective trusts! "I am your very unworthy brother, "And humble servant,

"DAVID BRainerd."

Dec. 25. 66 Enjoyed very little quiet sleep last night, by reason of bodily weakness, and the closeness of my studies yesterday; yet my heart was somewhat lively in prayer and praise. I was delighted with the divine glory and happiness, and rejoiced that God was God, and that he was unchangeably possessed of glory and blessedness. Though God held my eyes waking, yet he helped me to improve my time profitably amidst my pains and weakness, in continued meditations on Luke xiii. 7. Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit, &c. My meditations were sweet; and I wanted to set before sinners their sin and danger."

He continued in a very low state, as to his bodily health, for some days, which seems to have been a great hinderance to him in his religious exercises and pursuits. But yet he expresses some degree of divine assistance, from day to day, through the remaining part of this week. He preached several times this week to his Indians; and there appeared still some concern amongst them for their souls. On Saturday, he rode to the Irish settlement, about fifteen miles from his lodgings, in order to spend the Sabbath there.

Lord's day, Dec. 30. "Discoursed, both parts of the day, from Mark viii. 34. Whosoever will come after me, &c. God gave me very great freedom and clearness, and in the afternoon especially, considerable warmth and fervency. In the evening also, had very great clearness while conversing with friends on divine things. I do not remember ever to have had more clear apprehensions of religion in my life; but found a struggle in the evening with spiritual pride."

On Monday, he preached again in the same place with freedom and fervency; and rode home to his lodging, and arrived in the evening, under a considerable degree of bodily illness, which continued the two next days, so that he complains much of spiritual emptiness and barrenness on those days.

Jan. 3, 1745. Being sensible of the great want of divine influence, and the outpouring of God's Spirit, I spent this day in fasting and prayer, to seek so great a mercy for myself, my poor people in particular, and the church of God in general. In the morning, was very lifeless in prayer, and could get scarcely any sense of God. Near noon, enjoyed some sweet freedom to pray that the will of God might in every respect become mine ; and I am persuaded, it was so at that time in some good degree. In the afternoon, I was exceedingly weak, and could not enjoy much fervency in prayer; but felt a great degree of dejection; which, I believe, was very much owing to my bodily weakness and disorder.

Jan. 4. "Rode up to the Indians, near noon; spent some time under great disorder: my soul was sunk down into deep waters, and I was almost overwhelmed with melancholy.

Jan. 5, "Was able to do something at writing; but was much disordered with pain in my head. At night, was distressed with a sense of my spiritual pollution, and ten thousand youthful, yea, and childish follies, that nobody but myself had any thought about; all which appeared to me now fresh, and in a lively view, as if committed yesterday, and made my soul ashamed before God, and caused me to hate myself.

Lord's day, Jan. 6. "Was still distressed with vapoury disorders. Preached to my poor Indians: but had little heart or life. Towards night, my soul was pressed under a sense of my unfaithfulness. O the joy and peace that arise from a sense of "having obtained mercy of God to be faithful!" And O the misery and anguish that spring from an apprehension of the contrary!"

His dejection continued the two next days; but not to so great a degree on Tuesday, when he enjoyed some freedom and fervency in preaching to the Indians.

Jan. 9. "In the morning, God was pleased to remove that gloom which has of late oppressed my mind, and gave me freedom and sweetness in prayer. I was encouraged, strengthened, and enabled to plead for grace for myself, and mercy for my poor Indians; and was sweetly assisted in my intercessions with God for others. Blessed be his holy name for ever and ever, Amen, and Amen. Those things that of late appeared most difficult and almost impossible, now appeared not only possible, but easy. My soul was much delighted to continue instant in prayer, at this blessed season, that I had no desire for my necessary food: even dreaded leaving off praying at all, lest I should lose this spirituality, and this blessed thankfulness to God which I then felt. I felt now quite willing to live, and undergo all trials that might remain for me in a world of sor