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Whose baseless fame by vanity is buoy'd, 'Twas on a day (O may that day appear
Like the huge Earth, self-center'd in the void, No more, but lose its station in the year,
Accept one partner thy own worth t'explore, In the new style be not its name enroll'd
And in thy praise be singular no more.

But share annibilation in the old!)
Say, Muse, what demon, fue to ease and truth, A tawny Sybil, whose alluring song,
First from the mortar dragg'd th' adventrous Decoy'd the 'prentices and maiden throng,

[men, First from the counter young Hillario charm’d,
And made him, 'mongst the scribbling sons of And first his unambitious soul alarm'd-
Change peace for war, the pestle for the pen? An old strip'd curtain cross her arms was flung,

And tatter'd tap'stry o'er her shoulders bung;

Her loins with patch-work cincture were begirt,

That more than spoke diversity of dirt; and Katy, but from these venerable authorities, With age her back was double and awry, judicious reader, you may boldly dissent meo Twain were her teeth, and single was her eye, periculo.

Cold palsy shook her head-she seem'd at most

MART. MAC. A living corpse, or an untimely ghost, Puffer,] of this talent take a specimen. In a ketter to himself he saith; “ you have discovered many of the beauties of the ancients; they are obliged to you; we are obliged to you; all the Inspectors.

at misrepresenting circumstances, for which vide were they alive they would thank you ; we who

May that day appear] This seems to be wrote are alive do thank you." His constant custom of running on in this manner, occasioned the ful- with an eye to a beautiful passage in a very ele

gant poem; lowing epigram,

Ye gods, annihilate both space and time,
Hill puffs himself, forbear to chide;

And m ke tao lovers bappy.-
An insect vile and mean,
Must first, he knows, be magnify'd The request is extremely modest, and I really
Before it can be seen,

wonder it was never complied with ; but it must 'Fothecary, Play'r,] for both these, vide

be said in favour of Mr. Sinart, that he is still Woodward's letter, pussim.

more reasonable in his demand, and it appears Like the huge Earth.] The allusion here seems

by the alteration in the style, that bis scbeme to be taken from Ovid, who describes the Earth may be reduced to practice though the other is fixed in the air, by own stupidity, or vis mighty fine in theory. The Inspector is of this inertiæ:

opinion, and so is Monsieur de Scaizau.

A tatter'd tap'stry] Our author has been ex-
Pendebat in aere tellus,

tremely negligent upon tbis occasion, and has
Ponderibus librata suis.

indolently omitted an opportunity of displaying But, reader, dilate your imagination to take in his talent for poetic imagery. Homer has dethe much greater idea our poet here presents to scribed the shield of Achilles with all the art of you: consider the inmense inanity of space, and his imagination; Virgil has followed him in this the comparative nothingness of the globe, and point, and indeed both he and Ovid seem to be you may attain an adequate conception of our delighted when they have either a picture to dehero's reputation, and the mighty basis it stands scribe, or some representation in the labours of upon. It is worth observing here that our au- the loom. Hence arises a double delight; we thor, quasi aliud agens, displays at one touch of admire the work of the artificer, and the poet's his pen more knowledge of the planetary sys- account of it; and this pleasure Mr. Smart might tem, than is to be found in all the volumes of the have impressed upon his readers in this passage, mathematicians.

as many things were wrought into the tapestry This note is partly by Macularius, and partly here-mentioned. In one part our hero was ad. by Mr. Jinkyns, Pbilomath.

ministering to a patient, « and the fresh vomit Say, Muse,] Observe, gentle reader, how ten- runs for ever green." The theatre at May-fair derly our aliihor treats his hero throughout his made a conspicuous figure in the piece—the pit whole poem; he does not here impute his ridi- seemed to rise in an uproar--the gallery opened culous conduct, and all that trajn of errours which its rude throats and apples, oranges and halfhave attended his cousummate vanity, to his pence few about our hero's ears. The Mall in own perverse inclination, but with greater can- St. James's Park was displayed in a beautiful dour insinuates that some demon, foe to Hil- vista, and you might perceive Hillario with his Jario's repose, first misled his youthful imagina- janty air waddling along:-In Mary-le-Bone tion; which is a kind of apology for his life and Fields, he was dancing round a glow worm, and. character. He is not the only one who has been finally the Rotunda at Ranelagh filled the eye seduced to his ruiu in this manner. We read it with its magnificence, and in a corner of it stood in Pope,

a handsome young fellow holding a personage,

dressed in blue silk, by the ear; “the very Some demon whisperid, Visto have a taste.

worsted still looked black and blue.” There Hence then arise our hero's misfortunes; and were many other curious figures, but out of a that the demon above-mentioned was a foe to shameful laziness bas our poet omitted them. truth, will appear frum Hillario's notable talent



With voice far-fetch'd from hollow throalprofound | Fir'd with his fate, and conscious of his worth, And more than mortal was the infernal sound. The beardless wight prepar'd to sally forth. “ Sweet boy, who seem'st for glorious deeds But first ('twas just, 'twas natural to grieve) design'a,

He sigh'd and took a soft pathetic leave. O come and leave that clyster pipe behind;

“ Farewell, a long farewell to all my drugs, Cross this prophetic band with silver coin,

My labelld vials, and my letter'd jugs ; And all the wealth and fame, I have, is thine"- And you, ye bearers of no trivial charge, She said —he (for what stripling cou'd with. Where all my Latin stands inscrib'd at large : stand?)

Ye jars, ye gallipots, and draw’rs adieu, Straight with his only six-pence grac'd her hand. Be to my memory lost, as lost to view, And now the precious fury all her breast

And ye, whom I so oft have joy'd to wipe, At once invaded, and at once possess'd ;

Thi car-sifting syringe, and back-piercing pipe, Her eye was fix'd in an ecstatic stare,

Farewell-my day of giory's on the dawn, And on her head uprose th' astonish'd hair : And now,-Hillario's occulation's gone.” No more her colour, or her looks the same, But moonshine madness quite convuls'd her

Quick with the word his way the hero made, frame,

Conducted by a glorious cavalcade; While, big with fate, again sbe silence broke,

Pert Petulance the first attracts his eye, And io few words voluminously spoke.

And drowsy Dulness slowly saunters by, “ In these three lines athwart thy palm I see,

With Malice old, and Scandal ever new, Either a tripod, or a triple-tree,

And neutral Nonsense, neither false nor true, For, Oh! I ken by mysteries profound,

Infernal Falsehold next approach'd the band Too light to sink, thou never can'st be drown'd- With * * * and the Koran in her hand. Whate'er thy end, the Fates are now at strife,

Her motley vesture with the leopard vies, Yet strange variety shall check thy life

Stain'd with a foul variety of lies. Thou grand dictator of each public show,

Next spiteful Enmity, gangren'd at heart, Wit, moralist, quack, harlequin, and beau,

Presents a dagger, and conceals a dart. Sturvey man's vice, self-prais'd, and self pre

ferr'd, Aod be th’ Inspector of th' infected herd;

poets, who generally give the reader some idea By any means aspire at any ends,

of what is to ensue, without unfolding the whole, Baseness exalts, and cowardice defends, (well, Thus we find in Virgil, The chequer'd world's before thee-o-fare

Bella, horrida bella, Beware of Irishmen—and learn to spell.”

Et Tybrim multo spumantem sanguine cerno. Here from her breast th' inspiring fury few :

and again She ceas'd-and instant from his sight withdrew.

Alius Latio jam partus Achilles.

And in the sequel of this work, I believe, it will Th' astonish'd hair :) This passage seems to be an imitation of the Sybil in the sixth

book of be found that as Æneas had another Achilles, so

our hero has had as formidable an adversary. Virgil; Subito non vultus, non color unus

Farewell, a long farewell,] The ingenious Mr.

-der says that the following passage is taken Nec comtä mansere comæ.

from a work, which he intends shortly to publish and is admirably expressive of the witch's pro- | by subscription, and he has now in the press a phetic fury, and ushers in the prediction of Hilo pamphlet, called Mr. Smart's Use and Abuse hario's fortune with proper solemnity.

of the Moderns. But, with his leave, this pasThis note is by one of the Æolists, mentioned sage is partly imitated from cardinal Wolsey's with honour in the Tale of a Tub.

speech, and from Othello. Be thInspector, &c.] When the distemper

Neutral Nonsense, &c.]The train here described, first raged among the horned cattle, the king and council ordered a certain officer to superintend is worthy of Hillario, pertness, dulness, scandal the beasts, and to direct that such, as were found and malice, &c. being the very constituents of

an hero for the mock heroic, and it is not without to be infected, should be knocked on the head. This officer was called the Inspector, and from propriety that nonsense is introduced with the thence I would venture to lay a wager, our hero epithet, neutral; nonsense being like a Dutchderived his title.

inan, not only iu an unmeaning stupidity, but BENTLFY,Junior.

in the art of preserving a strict neutrality. This

neutrality may be aptly explained by the follow. Beware of Irishmen, &c.] It is extremely ing epigram, probable that our poet is intimately acquainted

Word-valiant wight, thou great he shrew, sith the classics ; he seems frequently to have

That wrangles to no end ; them in his eye, and such an air of enthusiasm

Since nonsense is nor false nor true, runs through his whole speech, that the learned

Thou'rt no man's foe or friend. reader may easily perceive he has taken fire at some of the prophecies in Homer and Virgil.— Falsehoorl] This lady is described with two The whole is delivered in breaks, and unconnected books in her hand, but our author chusing to pretransitions, which denote vehement emotions serve a neutrality, though not a nonsensical one, in the mind ; and the hint here concerning the upon this occasion, the Tories are at liberty to fill Irish is perfectly in the manner of all great epic up this blank with Rapin, Burnet, or any names


On th' earth crawls Flatt'ry with her bosom bare, While Jargon grav'd his titles on a block,
And Vanity sails over him in air.

And styl'd him M. D. Acad. Budig, Su”. Such was the groupe—they bow'd and they But now the harbingers of fate and fame ador'd,

Signs, omens, prodigies, and portents came, And hail'd Hillario for their sovereign lord. Lo! (though mid-day) the grave Athenian fowl, Flush'd witb success, and proud of his allies, Eyed the bright Sun, and hail'd him with a howl, Th’exulting hero thus triumphant cries.

Moths, mites, and maggots, feas, (a numerous “ Friends, brethren, ever present, ever dear,

ciew!) Home to my heart, nor quit your title there, And gnats and grubworms crouded on his view, While you approre, assist, instruct, inspire, Insects! without the microscopic aid, Heat my young blood, and set my soul on fire; Gigantic by the eye of Dulness made! No foreign aid my daring pen shall chuse,

And stranger still and never heard before! But boldly versify without a Muse,

{ wooden lion roar'd, or seem'd to roar. I'll teach Minerva, I'll inspire the Nine,

But (what the most his youthful bosom warm’d, Great Phæbus shall in consultation join,

Heighten'd each hope and every fear disarm’d) And round my nobler bruw his forfeit laureltwine." | On an high dome a damsel took her stand,

He said—and Clamour, of Commotion born, With a well freighted Jordan in her hand, Reard to the skies her ear alflicting horn, Wbere curious mixtures strove on every side

And solid sounds with laxer fluids vied



that will fit the niches; and the Whigs may, if

NOTES VARIORUM. they please, insert Echard, Higgons, &c. But

Adam the first Dutchman-victorious stroke for why, exclaimeth a certain critic, should falsehood be given to Hillario?-Because, replieth

old England-Tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee. Macularius, he has given many specimens of

Oratory-Right-Reason-Chapel, Saturday his talent that way. Our hero took it into his

13th of January, and old style for ever. head some time since to tell the world that he Jargon grau'd &c.] Jargon is here properly caned a gentleman whom he called by the name introduced graving our hero's titles, which are of Mario; what degree of faith the town gave admirably brought into verse, but the gentleman him upon that occasion, may be collected froin

who wrote the last note, Mr. Orator H-ley, the two following lines, by a certain wag who takes umbrage at this passage, and exclaimeth shall be nameless.

to the following effect, “ Jargon is meant for

There is more music in a peal of marrowTo beat one man great Hill was fated ;

bones and cleavers than in these verses.-1 am What man?-a man that he ci eated,

a logician upon fundamentals.-. rationalist, The following epigram may be also properly lover of mankande, Glastonbury thorn, -huzza inserted here.

boys.-Wit a viracious command of all objects What H-1 one day says, he the next does and ideas.--I am the only wit in Great Britain.” deny,

See Oratory Tracts, &c 10036.
And candidly tells us—tis all a damn'd lye:

Patience, good Mr. Orator! we are not at lei,
Dear doctor—this candour from you is not

sure to answer thee at present, but must observe wanted;

that jargon has done more for our hero, tban

ever did the society at Bordeaux, as will appear For why shou'd you own it? 'tis taken for granted.

from the following extract of a letter sent to

Martinus Marcularius, by a fellow of that society: Crawls Flatl'ry, &c.] Our hero is as remarkable for his encomiums, where it is his interest l'honneur le 12me passé. A l'égard de ce Mon

J'ai bien reçu la lettre, dont vous m'arez fat to commend, as for bis abuse, where he has taken

sieur Hillario, qui se vante si prodigieusement a dislike; but from the latter he is easily to be

chez vous, je ne trouve pas qu'il est enrollé dans bought off, as may be seen in the following excel

notre société, & son nom est parfaitment incon. lent epigrant ,

nu ici. J'attends de vous nouvelles, &c.
An author's writings oft reveal,
Where now and then he takes a meal.

Molhs, mites, &c.]

The important objects of his future specuInvite him once a week to dinner,

lations! He'll saint you, tho' the vilest sinner.


O would the sons of men once think their
Have you a smiling, vacant face,
He gives you soul, expression, grace.

And reason given 'em but to study flies.

M. MACULARIUS. Swears what you will, unswears it too;

Dulness made] This passage may be properly What will not beef and pudding do?

illustrated by a recollection of two lines in Mr. Without a Muse, &c. No the devil a bit! Pope's Essay on Criticism. I am the only person that can do that !-My

As things seem large which we through mists poems, written at fifteen, were done without the

descry, assistance of any Muse, and better than all Smart's poetry.--The Muses are strumpets

Dulness is very apt to magnify. they frequently give an intellectual gonorrhea- Wooden lion roar'd,] Not the black l'on in Court debt not paid-I'll never be poet laureate. Salisbury-court, Fleet-street, where the New -Coup de grace unanswerable-Our foes shall Craftsman is published, nor yet the red lion at knuckle-five pounds to any bishop that will Brentford, but the beast of the Bedford, who may equal this—Guin guiacum for Latin lignum vitæ. truly be said to have been alive, when animated





Lo! on his crown the lotion choice and large, And now, thou goddess, whose fire-darting She soused—and gave at once a full discharge.

eyes Not Archimedes, when with conscious pride, Defy all distance and transpierce the skies, “I've found it out! I've found it out!” he cry'd, To men the councils of the gods relate, Not costive bardlings, when a rhyme comes pat, And faithfully describe the grand debate. Not grave Grimalkin when she smells a rat : The cloud-compelling thund'rer, at whose call Not the shrewd statesman when he scents The gods assembled in th’etherial hall, plot,

From bis bright throne the deities addrest : Not coy Prudelia, when she knows what's what, “What impious noise disturbs our awful rest, Not our own hero, when (O matchless luck!) With din prophane assaults immortal ears, His keen discernment found another Duck ; And jars harsh discord to the tuneful spheres ? With such ecstatic transports did abound, Nature, my hand-maid, yet without a stain, As what he smelt and saw, and felt and found. Has never once productive prov'd in vain, “ Yegods, I thank ye, to profusion free, 'Till now_luxuriant and regardless quite Thusto adorn, and thus distinguish me,

Of ber divine, eternal rule of right, And thoa, fair Cloacina, whom I serve,

On mere privation she 'as bestow'd a frame, (If a desire to please is to deserve,)

And dignify'd a nothing with a name, To you I'll consecrate my future lays,

A wretch devoid of use, of sense and grace, And on the smoothest paper print my soft Th’insolvent tenant of encumber'd space.

essays." No more he spoke; but slightly slid along, Escorted by the miscellaneous throng.

Preely welcome to abuse,

Could'st thou tire thy railing Muse. by Addison and Steele, though now reduced to

Make the most of this you can,

Strife is short and life's a span. that state of blockheadism, which is so conspicuous in his ináster. Ficulnus, inutile lignum.

Both alike, your works and pay,

BENTLEY junior. Hasten quick to their decay, A full discharge,] Reader, do not tum up

This a trifle, those no more, your nose at this passage! it is much more de

Tho repeated to threescore. cent than Pope's-Recollect what Swift says,

Threescore volumes when they're writ, that a nice man has filthy ideas, and let it be

Will appear at last be considered tbis discharge may have the same effect upon our hero, as a similar accident had is perfectly in the spirit of ancient poetry. If I

And now thou goddess, &c.] This invocation upon a person of equal parts and genius.

may use Milton's words, our author here preRenewd by ordure's sympathetic force, sumes into the Heavens, an earthly guest, and As oil'd hy magic juices for the course, draws empyreal air. Hence he calls upon the Vig'rous he rises from th' effluvia strong, goddess to assist his strain, while he relates the Iinbibes new life and scours and stinks councils of the gods. Virgil, when the plot along.

thickens upon his bands, as Mr. Bares has it,

Pope's Dunciad. has offered up his prayer a second time to the *Archimedes

, 8c.] As soon as the philosopher Muse, and he seems to labour under the weight here mentioned discovered the modern save-all,

of bis subject, when he cries out, and the new invented-patent black-ball, he threw Majus opus moveo, major rerum mihi nascidown his pipe, and ran all along Piccadilly, with

tur ordo, his shirt out of his breeches, crying out like a madman, sugnxa ! Euenna! which in modern English Hilliad, and this piece of machinery will evince

This is the case at present with the writer of the is, the job is done! the job is done!

V'erus SCHOL.

the absurdity of that Lucretian doctrine, which

asserts that the gods are wrapped up in a lazy Another Duck,] Hillario having a mind to ce- indolence, and do not trouble themselves about lebrate and recommend a genius to the world, human affairs. The words of Lucretius are, compares him to Stephen Duck, and at the close of a late luspector, cries out, “I have found ano

Omnis enim per se divûm natura necesse est ther Duck, but who shall find a Caroline ?"

Immortali ævo sumina cum pace fruatur,

Semota a rebus nostris, disjunctaque longè. Print my soft essays,]Our hero for once bas spoke truth of himself, for which we could produce the

It is now recommended to the editors of the Antestimonies of several persons of distinction. ti-Lucretius to make use of this instance to the Bath and Tunbridge-wells have upon many occa

contrary in the next publication of that work.

M. MACULARIUS, sions testified their gratitude to him on this head, as his works have been always found of Encumber'd space. ] Jupiter's speech is full of singular use with the waters of those places. pompanu solemnity, andis tinally closed by a deTo this effect also speaketh that excellent co-scription ofour hero, who is here said to take up a merlian, Mr. Henry Woodwarıl

, in an ingenious place in the creation to no purpose. What a difparody on Busy, curious, thirsty fly, &c. ferent notion of the end of his existence bas Busy, curions, hungry Hill,

Hillario, from what we find delivered by the exWrite of me and write your till.

cellent Luoginus in bis treatise on the Sublime. VOL. XVI.


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“Good is his cause, and just is his pretence,” Her approbation Venus next exprest, (Replies the god of theft and eloquence.) And on Hillario's part the throne addrest, à A hand mercurial, ready to convey,

“If there be any praise the nails to pare, E’en in the presence of the garish day,

And in soft ringlets wreathe th' elastic hair,
The work an English classic late has writ, In talk and tea to trifle time away,
And by adoption be the sire of wit-

The mien so easy and the dress so gay!
Sure to be this is to be something—sure,

Can my Hillario's worth remain unknown, Next to perform, 'tis glorious to procure. With whom coy Sylvia trusts herself alone; Small was th'exertion of my god-like soul,

With whom, so pure, so innocent his life, When privately Apollo's herd I stole,

The jealous husband leaves his buxom wife? Compar'd to him, who braves th'all-seeing Sun, What tho' he ne'er assume the post of Mars ; And boldly bids th' astonish'd world look on,"

By me disbanded from all amorous wars ;

His fancy (if not person) he employs,

And oft ideal countesses enjoys

Tho' hard his heart, yet beauty shall control, The passage is admirable,translated by the author And sweeten all the rancour of his soul, of the Pleasures of Imagination. “The godlike ge. niuses of Greece were well-assured that nature had not intended man for a low spirited or ignoble being; but bringing us into life and the midst of this

Venus next express’d,] Venus rises in this wide universe, as before a multitude assembled assembly quite in the manner attributed to her in at some heroic solemnity, that we might be the ancient poets ; thus we see in Virgil that spectators of all her magnificence, and candi- she is all mildness, and at every word breathes dates high in emulation for the prize of glory : ambrosia; she has therefore implanted in our souls an inextinguishable love of every thing great and exalted,

At non Venus aurea contra, of every thing which appears divine beyond our

Pauca refert.comprehension. Hence by the very propensity She is to speak upon this occasion, as well as in of nature we are led to admire, not little springs the case produced from the Æneid, in favour of or shallow rivulets, however clear and delicious, a much loved son, though indeed we cannot say but the Nile, the Rhine, the Danube, and much that she has been quite so kind to Hillario, as more than all the ocean."-Instead of acting

formerly she was to Æneas, it being evident that upon this plan, Hillario is employed in pursuit she bas not bestowed upon him that lustre of of insects in Kensington-gardens, and as this is youthful bloom, and that liquid radiance of the all the gratitude he pays for the being conferred eye, which she is said to have given the pious upon him, he is finely termed an insolvent te- Trojan. pant.

Lumenque juventæ
By adoption be the sire, &c.] Our hero has
taken an entire letter from sir Thomas Fitz-

Purpureum, et lætos oculis afflavit honores. Osborne, and with inimitable effrontery pub-On the contrary Venus here talks of his black lished it in his Inspector, No. 239, as a produc- self, which makes it suspected that she retion of his own. We are informed that, having conciled herself to this bue, out of a compliment been taxed with this affair, he declares with a to Vulcan, of whom she has frequent favours to great deal of art, that it was given him by ano- solicit: and perhaps it may appear hereafter, ther person, to which all we have to say is, that that she procured a sword for our hero from the the receiver is as bad as the thief.

celestial blacksmith's forge. One thing is not M. MACULARIL'S. a little surprising, that while Venus speaks on

the side of Hillario, she should omit the real Glorious to procure.) If our author could be utility he has been of to the cause of love thonght capable of punning, I should imagine by his experience as an apothecary, of which, that the word procure, in this place, is made use

he himself hath told us, several hare proof in preference to an appellation given to our fited; and it should be remembered at the hero in the commencement of this poem, viz. a

same time, that he actually has employed pimp; but the reader will please to recollect that his person in the service of Venus, and has now the terin pimp is not in that passage used in its modern acceptation.

an offspring of the amorous congress. It is moreSmall was th' exertion, &c.] Not so fast, good

over notorious, that having, in his elegant lando not find that Hillario, upon any occasion himself up for a wife, and thus, became a forpoet, cries out in this place, M. Macularius. We guage, tasted of the cool stream, he was ready

to plunge in again, and therefore publicly set whatever, has been charged with stealing Apol- tune-hunter with his pen ; and if he has failed in lo's quiver, and certain it is, that those arrows,

his design, it is because the ladies do not apwhich he has shot at all the world, never were taken from thence. But of Mercury it is recorded prove the new scheme of propagation without

the knowledge of a man, which Hillario preby Horace, that he really did receive the god oftended to explain so handsomely in the Lucina wit in this manner;

sine concubiti.But the truth is, he never wrote Te boves olim nisi reddidisses

a syllable of this book, though he transcribed Por dolum amotas, puerum minaci part of it, and showed it to a bookseller, in order Voce dum terret, viduus pharetra 10 procure a higher price for his productions. Risit Apollo.


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