or twice: For the more Maims this Brotherhood shall No. 474. have met with, the easier will their Conversation flow Wednes day, and keep up; and when any one of these vigorous Sept. 3, Invalids had finished his Narration of the Collar-bone, 1712. this naturally would introduce the History of the Ribs. Besides, the different Circumstances of their Falls and Fractures would help to prolong and diversify their Relations. There should also be another Club of such Men, who have not succeeded so well in maiming themselves, but are however in the constant Pursuit of these Accomplishments. I would by no Means be suspected by what I have said to traduce in general the Body of Fox-hunters; for whilst I look upon a reason able Creature full Speed after a Pack of Dogs, by Way of Pleasure, and not of Business, I shall always make honourable Mention of it. But the most irksome Conversation of all others I have met with in the Neighbourhood, has been among two or three of your Travellers, who have overlooked Men and Manners, and have passed thro' France and Italy with the same Observation that the Carriers and Stage Coachmen do through Great Britain; that is, their Stops and Stages have been regulated according to the Liquor they have met with in their Passage. They indeed remember the Names of Abundance of Places, with the particular Fineries of certain Churches: But their distinguishing Mark is certain Prettinesses of foreign Languages, the Meaning of which they could have better express'd in their own. The Entertainment of these fine Observers Shakespear has described to consist In talking of the Alps and Apennines, The Pyrenæn, and the River Po. And then concludes with a Sigh, Now this is worshipful Society, I would not be thought in all this to hate such honest Creatures as Dogs; I am only unhappy that I cannot partake in their Diversions. But I love them so well, as Dogs, that I often go with my Pockets stuffed with Bread to dispense my Favours, or make my Way through them at day, Sept, 3, 1712, No. 474, at Neighbours' Houses. There is in particular a young Wednes Hound of great Expectation, Vivacity, and Enterprize, that attends my Flights where-ever he spies me. This Creature observes my Countenance, and behaves himself accordingly. His Mirth, his Frolick, and Joy upon the Sight of me has been observed, and I have been gravely desired not to encourage him so much, for it spoils his Parts; but I think he shews them sufficiently in the several Boundings, Friskings, and Scourings, when he makes his Court to me: But I foresee in a little time he and I must keep Company with one another only, for we are fit for no other in these Parts. Having inform'd you how I do pass my Time in the Country where I am, Í must proceed to tell you how I would pass it, had I such a Fortune as would put me above the Observance of Ceremony and Custom. My Scheme of a Country Life then should be as follows. As I am happy in three or four very agreeable Friends, these I would constantly have with me, and the Freedom we took with one another at School and the University, we would maintain and exert upon all Occa sions with great Courage. There should be certain Hours of the Day to be employ'd in Reading, during which Time it should be impossible for any one of us to enter the other's Chamber, unless by Storm. After this we would communicate the Trash or Treasure we had met with, with our own Reflections upon the Matter; the Justness of which we would controvert with good humour'd Warmth, and never spare one another out of that com plaisant Spirit of Conversation, which makes others affirm and deny the same Matter in a Quarter of an Hour. If any of the neighbouring Gentlemen, not of our Turn, should take it in their Heads to visit me, I should look upon these Persons in the same Degree Enemies to my particular State of Happiness, as ever the French were to that of the Publick, and I would be at an annual Expence in Spies to observe their Motions. Whenever I should be surprized with a Visit, as I hate Drinking, I would be brisk in swilling Bumpers, upon this Maxim, That it is better to trouble others with my Impertinence, than to be troubled my self with theirs. The Necessity of an Infirmary Infirmary makes me resolved to fall into that Project; and No. 474. as we should be but Five, the Terrors of an involuntary Wednes day, Separation, which our Number cannot so well admit of, Sept. 3, would make us exert our selves, in Opposition to all the 1712. Particulars mentioned in your Institution of that equitable Confinement. This my Way of Life I know would sub ject me to the Imputation of a morose, covetous, and singular Fellow. These and all other hard Words, with all Manner of insipid Jests, and all other Reproach. would be Matter of Mirth to me and my Friends: Besides, I would destroy the Application of the Epithets Morose and Covetous, by a yearly Relief of my undeservedly neces sitous Neighbours, and by treating my Friends and Domesticks with an Humanity that should express the Obligation to lie rather on my Side; and as for the Word Singular, I was always of Opinion every Man must be so, to be what one would desire him. Your very humble Servant, J. R' 'Mr. SPECTATOR, About two Years ago I was called upon by the younger Part of a Country Family, by my Mother's Side related to me, to visit Mr. Campbell, the dumb Man; for they told me that That was chiefly what brought them to Town, having heard Wonders of him in Essex. I, who always wanted Faith in Matters of that Kind, was not easily pre vailed on to go; but lest they should take it ill, I went with them; when, to my Surprize, Mr. Campbell related all their past Life, (in short, had he not been prevented, such a Discovery would have come out, as would have ruined the next Design of their coming to Town, viz. buying Wedding Cloaths), Our Names-though he never heard of us before-and we endeavoured to conceal-were as familiar to him as to our selves. To be sure Mr. SPECTATOR, he is a very learned and wise Man. Being impatient to know my Fortune, having paid my Respects in a family Jacobus, he told me (after his Manner) among several other Things, that in a Year and nine Months I should fall ill of a new Fever, be given over by my Physicians, but should with much Difficulty day, Sept. 3. 1712. No. 474. Difficulty recover: That the first Time I took the Air Wednes afterwards, I should be address'd to by a young Gentle man of a plentiful Fortune, good Sense, and a generous Spirit Mr. SPECTATOR, he is the purest Man in the World, for all he said is come to pass, and I am the happiest She in Kent. I have been in Quest of Mr. Campbell these three Months, and cannot find him out. Now hearing you are a dumb Man too, I thought you might corre spond, and be able to tell me something; for I think my self highly oblig'd to make his Fortune as he has mine. 'Tis very possible your Worship, who has Spies all over this Town, can inform me how to send to him: If you can, I beseech you be as speedy as possible, and you will highly oblige Your constant Reader and Admirer, Ordered, That the Inspector I employ about Wonders, enquire at the Golden Lion, opposite to the Half-Moon Tavern in Drury Lane, into the Merit of this silent Sage, and report accordingly, No. 475, IT Thursday, September 4, Quae res in se neque consilium neque modum T T is an old Observation, which has been made of Politicians who would rather ingratiate themselves with their Sovereign, than promote his real Service, That they accommodate their Counsels to his Inclinations, and advise him to such Actions only as his Heart is naturally set upon. The Privy-councellor of one in Love must observe the same Conduct, unless he would forfeit the Friendship of the Person who desires his Advice. I have known several odd Cases of this Nature. Hipparchus was going to marry a common Woman, but being resolved to do nothing without the Advice of his Friend Philander, he consulted him upon the Occasion, Philander told him his Mind freely, and represented his Mistress to him in such strong Colours, that 1712. that the next Morning he received a Challenge for his No. 475. Pains, and before Twelve a Clock was run through the Thursday, Body by the Man who had asked his Advice. Celia was Sept. 4, more prudent on the like Occasion; she desired Leonilla to give her Opinion freely upon a young Fellow who made his Addresses to her. Leonilla, to oblige her, told her with great Frankness, that she looked upon him as one of the most worthless Celía, foreseeing what a Character she was to expect, begged her not to go on, for that she had been privately married to him above a Fortnight. The Truth of it is, a Woman seldom asks Advice before she has bought her Wedding Cloaths. When she has made her own Choice, for Form's Sake, she sends a Congé d'élire to her Friends. If we look into the secret Springs and Motives that set People at Work in these Occasions, and put them upon asking Advice, which they never intend to take, I look upon it to be none of the least That they are incapable of keeping a Secret which is so very pleasing to them. A Girl longs to tell her Confident, that she hopes to be married in a little Time, and, in order to talk of the pretty Fellow that dwells so much in her Thoughts, asks her very gravely, what she would advise her to in a Case of so much Difficulty. Why else should Melissa, who had not a Thousand Pound in the World, go into every Quarter of the Town to ask her Acquaintance whether they would advise her to take Tom Townly, that made his Addresses to her with an Estate of Five Thousand a Year? 'Tis very pleasant, on this Occasion, to hear the Lady propose her Doubts, and to see the Pains she is at to get over them. I must not here omit a Practice that is in Use among the vainer Part of our own Sex, who will often ask a Friend's Advice, in relation to a Fortune whom they are never likely to come at. WILL HONEYCOMB, who is now on the Verge of Threescore, took me aside not long since, and asked me in his most serious Look, Whether I would advise him to marry my Lady Betty Single, who, by the Way, is one of the greatest Fortunes about Town. I stared him full in the Face upon so strange a Question; upon which he immediately gave me an Inventory of her Jewels |