The eager bridegroom furfeits on her charms,
And fills his belly, as he fills his arms.
Juftly may they condemn our foolish pride,
Who only for the naked back provide ;
And useless garments to the dunghill caft,
Before they've through the hungry ftomach pafs'd;
Who well might purchase, had we their good fenfe,
Both food and raiment at the fame expence.
When will our wives and daughters be so good,
Thus to convert their old cloaths into food?
ONEST William, an eafy and good-natur'd fellow, Would a little too oft get a little too mellow. Body coachman was he to an eminent brewer
No better e'er fate in a box, to be fure.
His coach was kept clean, and no mothers or nurfes
Took that care of their babes that he took of his horses.
He had thefe-ay, and fifty good qualities more,
But the business of tippling could ne'er bè got o'er :
So his mafter effectually mended the matter,
By hiring a man, who drank nothing but water.
Now, William, fays he, you fee the plain cafe;
Had you drunk as he does, you'd keep a good place.
Drink water! quoth William-had all men done fo,
You'd never have wanted a coachman, I trow.
They're foakers, like me, whom you load with reproaches,
That enable you brewers to ride in
OTHER Breedwell presented her husband each year
With a chopping brave boy, and fometimes with a
pair;
'Till the primitive bleffing of multiplication
Had fill'd the whole house with a young generation.
But as they increased, fo forrow and care,
Those primitive curfes, put in for a fhare;
And the toilfome employments of mother and wife
Had hagg'd the poor woman half out of her life.
To the doctor fhe goes with a pitiful face,
And begs he would give his advice in her cafe,
She tells him her husband was wretchedly poor,
And prays he'd confider her chargeable store,
And prevent for the future her having of more.
As for that, quoth the fage, I've a cure never failing,
Which neither Hippocrates thought of, nor Galen.
Look here-I present you this wonderful hofe,
Into which, every night when you bed with your spouse,
Thrust both legs; nor pull off the magical fetters,
"Till you rise in the morn about family matters.
Obferve but this rule, which I give you in charge,
And your stock may diminish, but never enlarge,
Many thanks for your kindness, dear Sir, quoth the dame,
(Here the dropp'd him a curt'fie)—if it were not for shame,
And for fear you should think me too bold, I'd fain beg
T'other stocking-and so have a hose to each leg :
For if fuch rare virtue's contained in one,
How fafe fhould I be, had I both of them on!
UOTH John to his teacher, Good Sir, if you please,
I would beg your advice in a difficult case;
'Tis a weighty concern, that may hold one for life—
'Tis, in fhort, the old ftory of taking a wife.
There's a pair of young damfels I'm proffer'd to marry,
And whether to choose puts me in a quandary:
They're alike in age, family, fortune, and feature,
Only one has more grace, and the other good-nature.
As for that, fays the teacher, good-nature and love,
And sweetness of temper, are gifts from above,
And as coming from thence we should give 'em their due;
Grace is a fuperior bleffing, 'tis true.
Ay, Sir, I remember an excellent farment,
Wherein all along you gave grace the preferment.
I fhall never forget it, as how you were telling.
That heaven refided where grace had its dwelling.
Why John, quoth the teacher, that's true: but, alas,
What heaven can do is quite out of the case;
For by day and by night, with the woman you wed
'Tis you that must board, and 'tis you that must bed;
And a good-natur'd girl may quickly grow gracious,
But a four-headed faint will be ever vexatious.
ONG time did a filly old proverb prevail,
That meat, drink, and cloth were all found in good
'Till a lover of truth went on purpose to Hull,
And to try the experiment drank his skin full.
He began to fee vifions, his head it turn'd round,
'Till off from his keffal he fell on the ground:
There in trances profound our philofopher mellow
Lay all night in the fnow confulting his pillow.
Oracular vapours give prophecy birth,
As Plutarch reports, fpringing out of the earth.
Whether this was the cause, or however infpir'd,
Our fage gave a fentence will be ever admir'd.
'Twas this-I pronounce that good ale is good meat,
For I find, I have no inclination to eat :
That good ale is good cloth, you may honestly boast,
For i' faith! I'm as blithe and as warm as a toast:
But to call it good drink-is a lye, I'll be fworn.
For I ne'er was fo dry fince the hour I was born.
The clath, cries a punster who chanc'd to come by, Must be a good drap, if it kept you fo dry.
T blew an hard storm, and in utmost confufion
The failors all hurried to get abfolution;
Which done, and the weight of the fins they'd confefs'd
Was transferr'd, as they thought, from themselves to the
To lighten the fhip, and conclude their devotion,
They tofs'd the poor parson souse into the ocean.
|