[Different members nominate Dr Bump, Deacon | to deny, that Doctors Gall and Spurzheim were Slender, Captain Gruff, Squire Screw, Mr. Fairplay. Secretary. Gentlemen, I caught the name of Mr. Fairplay. If it be your minds that he preside, this evening, over your deliberations, you will please to signify it. [All hold up hands, and the Secretary says,] Secretary. It is a vote. Mr. Fairplay, will you have the goodness to take the chair? [Mr. Fairplay advances to the chair, takes off his hat and cloak, and, before sitting, ad dresses the society, who are all seated, thus,] Mr. Fairplay. Gentlemen-When I am Lonored in this way, I make it a point to accept. and to perform the duty to the best of my ability. Should I fail to give satisfaction, it will not only prove my incapacity to preside, but yours to make a proper selection of a presiding officer I have no doubt, however, that your debate will be conducted with so much courtesy as to render my duty pleasant and easy. If you will give your attention, the secretary will read the subject of discussion appointed for this evening. Secretary. The question is. "Is phrenology entitled to the rank of a science?" [He then repeats it in a loud and distinct voice.] President. Gentlemen, the subject is before you, and you are invited to express your opinions upon it. Mr. Straightray. Mr. President! President. Mr. Straightway, gentlemen. Mr. Straightway. It appears to me, sir, that the question lacks precision, inasmuch as it is very uncertain what definition it attaches to the word science. Johnson, sir, tells us that science is "knowledge." Gibbon savs it is synonymous with "speculation." I would propose, therefore, sir, that, before we proceed any farther, we ascertain in what sense the word science is to be understood. President. The chairman of the committee who proposed the question, is present, and will be good enough to answer the gentleman's inquiry. Mr. Harden. Sir, the committee were aware that the term science is often loosely applied to knowledge of all sorts, but they believed that there was a stricter sense in which it should be used; and in behalf of the committee, I would propose that the definition of science shall be, "certain knowledgeknowledge founded on facts." Mr. Craney. Mr. President! President, Mr. Crauey, gentlemen. Mr. Craney. The definition, sir, that the gentleman has given, is certainly very strict; but I shall not object to it, if we be required to prove no more than can be proved of the other sciences. To open the debate, therefore. sir. I assert. that phrenology is a science, founded on facts, and as certain as any human knowledge. It is founded on facts sir, inasmuch as most of the important discoveries in anatomy are the basis of it; and its truths are demonstrable to the senses. It is certain, sir, in so far as its principles, if understood, may be applied to estimate the mental power by the size, and form, and other peculiarities of the head. Ithink, sir, no one will be bold enough | skilful anatomists, and that they examined the structure of the brain, of the nerves, and of the skull, more carefully than any other had done; and this, surely, did not disqualify them for judging of the USES of the brain and nerves. It is customary for quacks and impostors, sir, to start with less knowledge than those who are called regular practitioners; but they started, sir, with more. And if their opponents, whom I may also call their enemies, have since confessed that their discoveries in anatomy are real and important, we have reason to hope, sir. that they will, ere long, be also compelled to confess, that the application of their facts to the illustration of mind, is only foolish, because it is above the comprehension of fools. Mr. Stafflip. Mr. President! President. Mr. Stifflip, gentlemen. Mr. Stiflip. I rise, sir, to reply to the gentleman last up; and I shall endeavor to do so effectually in a few words. I acknowledge, sir, that the researches of Gall and Spurzheim threw some light upon the structure and operations of the brains and nerves. But, sir, this acknowledgment may be made, without any obligation to follow them into the mazes whither they wandered, after they left the sure basis of facts. to soar into the regions of fancy. I may believe, sir, in the number, and magnitude, and movements of the planets, as taught by astrologers; but, sir, I am not obliged to believe all their nonsense about the influence of the bodies upon the destiny of men. While Gall and Spurzheim confined themselves to anatomy, they did well; but when they began to speculate upon the mind, they went beyond their depth, and could not expect any reasonable man to follow them. I never will believe, sir, that the flights of the almost infinite mind depend upon the size and operations of the brain. Why, sir, some animals that have no brain, astonish us by their performances. How will the gentlemen in the affirmative get over this fatal objec tion? Mr. Occiput. Mr. President! President. Mr Occiput, gentlemen. Mr. Occiput. The gentleman asks, sir, how we shall get over his fatal objection. As the Indian got over the rainbow, sir, by getting under it. When the gentleman asserts, sir. that some animals without brain astonish us by their performances, does he mean that they perform any intellectual operations like those performed by man? No, sir; no. Their performances are confined to eating, continuing their species, and dying. The gentleman must know, sir, that the lower animals, to which he alludes, are not, as he asserted, with out brain. But, sir, their brain, like the god of some of our own species, is in their stomachs. I believe no animal has yet been found, sir, without a nervous system, and bundles or knots of nerves, which, thengh not in the head, are the seat of what intel gence they possess. If the gentleman wid bring us a human being without any brains in his skull, and yet possessing as much intelligence as if his skull was large and fuil then we must confess that phrenology is all a lie. Dr. Littlehead. [In a squeaking voice.] Mr. President! President. Dr. Littlehead, gentlemen. Dr. Littlehead. I should like to ask, Mr. President, whether the gentleman will pretend, as some have done, that the intellect depends upon the size of the cranium, and, of course, upon that of the cerebrum and cerebellum. Mr. Occiput. We do pretend so, Mr. President. Dr. Littlehead. Then, Mr. President, I must protest against any such preposterous method of measuring the illimitable intellect. Sir, I maintain, myself apart, sir, that I have seen as many smart men with small heads as with large ones, sir. And whence have we the proverb "A great head and little wit, A little head and full of it,” if it be not a fact, sir, that a great head is no Dr. Suture. Mr. President! Dr. Suture. I rise, sir, to calm the fears of the gentleman last up, by assuring him, that, although a large head is generally an index of powerful intellect, and a small one of inferior capacity, still there are exceptions to the general rule, and I pray the gentleman to consider himself as one of em. The fact is, sir, there are three sorts of large heads-the diseased head, which is often monstrous, even in children; the large head, whose chief bulk is behind the ears, in which the animal propensities predominate; and the large head, whose chief bulk is above and before the ears, in which the intellect predominates. I might add, that there are several kinds of little heads, but I do not wish to be personal. I will remark, however, that sometimes a small head is connected with great nervous irritability; and, in such cases, the little head is sometimes a match for a large head that is attached to a sluggish body; but this, as I said before, is an exception. Deacon Slender. Mr. President! President. Deacon Slender, gentlemen. Deacon Slender. [Inanasal, drawling tone.]|| Mr. President, we live in strange times, sir. When I was a boy, sir, we larnt every thing from the Bible, and the Bible threw light upon every kind of knowledge. But now, sir, it seems as if the chief object of science was to prove that the Bible is wrong, and that it is contradicted by science and by facts. I want to know, sir, what we are coming to; for, if the effect of larning is to destroy the Bible, I shall vote against laying any more taxes to support public schools. Mr. Greatsoul. Mr. President! President. Rev. Mr. Great soul, gentlemen. Mr. Greatsoul. I rarely take any part in your debates, Mr. President; but the inquiry of my worthy triend, just ap, induces me to make a remark upon an error which, I fear, is too prevalent among many whose hearts are BRONSON. 23 right, but whose fears are wrong. He seems to think, sir, that the sciences, and especially some new sciences of our day, have a tendency to destroy the authority of the Scriptures. Now, sir, I will venture the remark, that the system of religion taught us in the Bible derives much of its beauty from the illustrations of science, and depends upon science for some of its strongest points of defence. Natural science cannot alter the revelation of God to man-a revelation of spiritual truths to the spirit. It has happened, to be sure, that the discoveries of science have been thought not to agree with some statements in the Scriptures; but, sir, these statements relate to physical facts, to which the Bible only alludes as the prevailing belief of the day. There is no treatise upon geology, geography, astronomy, or metaphysics, in the Bible; nor does the Bible pretend to teach these sciences, or any other. It leaves them where it found them. Now, sir, I am no phrenologist; but I am prepared to say, that if this science is founded upon facts, and is true, it must aid the cause of revelation; for it must enlarge the human mind, and enable it better to understand those truths which, while they are lowered to the comprehension of the simplest mind, are able, also, to stretch to its utmost reach the intellect of angels. hope my worthy neighbor will cease to look, with fear, upon the progress of any science; for, if it is of man, it will come to naught without his assistance; but, if it is true, or, what is the same thing, if it is of God, man cannot overthrow it. Mr. Fearful. Mr. President! President. Mr. Feartal, gentlemen. Mr. Fearful. He has his hat on. I hope I shall be excused, sir, for wearing my hat; but I have no idea of having my head inspected, sir, and turned to ridicule, for the amusement of this audience. Not that 1 beneve, sir, that the professors of this pretended science can tell my character any better from the outside of my head, than they can from the outside of my hat; but they have a habit, sir, of ridiculing the person whose arguments they cannot answer, and I am not to be ridiculed, sir, by them. Mr. Wittee. Does the gentleman mean, sir, that we may not exercise our Yankee privilege of guessing what is concealed under his hat! Mr. Fearful. The gentleman may guess, sir, for it is all guess work; and I dare say. sir, that if he judges of my character by the bumps of my hat, he will come as near to the truth as they generally do. Mr. Wittee. I guess, then, sir. the gentleman has a small head, and is ashamed of it. His hat is pretty large at the ears. where it should not be, and very small at the top, where the nobler faculties lie. His hat will not save him, sir. Mr. Fearful. Taking off his hat with some rehemence. Sir. I have as good a head as the gentleman himself, sir. Mr. Wittee. I dare say he has, sir. I only made my remarks to see if his self esteem would let him keep his hat on, under the imputation that his head was a diminutive head. I knew he could not do it, sir, if there is any truth in phrenology, any more than the crow of old could help singing, when old Reynard flattered her. Mr. Fearful. I rose, at first, sir, to remark, that phrenology can never be true, because the Creator would never SO expose our characters, that others could read them on our heads. This would subvert the whole system of society, sir; for those who were gifted would despise their less fortunate neighbors, and those who were marked with criminal propensities, would not dare to show their heads. This is the remark I wished to make, sir; and I assert, that no man can know what is in man, except from his actions. do so. Mr. Convolute. Mr. President! President. Mr. Convolute, gentlemen. Mr. Convolute. The gentleman's remarks, sir, prove too much. in my opinion; but, at any rate, they are founded in error. He pretends, sir, that the Creator has never given us any other means of judging of minds than the outward actions; and he goes so far as to say, that it would be unjust for the Deity to Now, sir, I would ask the gentleman, if he cannot often form a correct judgment of men from their personal appearance, their gait, and especially from their features? I would ask, if he cannot tell a proud man by his hauteur, a sycophant by his cringing, an humble man by his modesty, a cautious man by his stealthy step? I would ask whether he does not form a judgment of every man he meets, whether right or wrong, from his face? Now, is he always deceived? No, I think not. Then the Creator does sometimes enable him to judge of his neighbor's character. Does this subvert the whole system of society, as the gentleman asserts it would, sir? Does this induce the gentleman to look down upon his less gifted neighbor? or does it prevent wicked men from showing their faces in public? No, sir; no such thing. I shall not hesitate to maintain, sir, that if the bumps indicated the true character, they would prove a safeguard to society; for the hypocrite may disguise his features, and even his actions, but he cannot raise, and sink, and alter the bumps at pleasure. He must show what he is. and men will fix his rank accordingly. Rogues, sir, would be very likely to keep their hats on; and the worthy Quakers, finding themselves in such company, would be very likely to take theirs off. Dr. Powwow. Mr. President! Dr. Powwow. The concluding remark of the gentleman last up, sir, seems to me to furnish one of the strongest arguments against the truth of phrenology; for, sir, if the features sometimes betray the mind, they do not always do so: but if the bumps invariably expose the mind, I think the Creator could not have been more unjust, than to give one man bumps, or organs, that would lead him to virtue, and another organs that would infallibly lead him to vice and ruin. I should like to know. sir, how the gentleman can get over this objection? Dr. Begarre. Monsieur le President! Dr. Begarre. Monsieur le President, I me up get; rise to respond to de gentilhomme who has just himself seated down. Ma foi! Monsieur le President, what for why he tink our science nobel do make men coquins, rogues, any more as de old system. Eef I fine out by de cranium, and he by de actions, dat one man is grand rogue, I no keep de man so, any no more dan he. He tink de Créateur to de man have give one ver bad mind, and, ma foi! tink so too. Eh bien, well now, be tink de man wid de mind unfortunate can himself reform, make bettare. Ma foi! I tink so too. Mais, but de gentilhomme say you fix de bump so de man bad must be man bad toujours, always. Now, Monsieur le President, how de bump come on de head? Because de faculty of de mind want him to work wiz. If de faculty work hard, great deal, wiz him, he grow large, he grow strong, like de littell boy when he work, eat like any ting, till be grow great man, grand homme. Den, if de oder good bonnes faculties say to de bad faculty, "You mus reform, you mus work not any more;" den he mus stop to grow, and one dese day he grow littell encore, again. Dr. Powwow. Does the gentleman mean, that when his leetell boy has become a great man, if he leaves off working, he will become a leetell boy again? Dr. Begarre. Oui, monsieur, I mean dat de organ will grow weak, feebell, as de litteil garçon, boy, what you call. De exercise of de faculty make de organ bump strong, and de non exercise of him make him weak ag'gen. I hope de gentilmens, all two of dem, understand dat de bump no fix de faculty. but de faculty fix de bump, or unfix him, as he please. I sensible, Monsieur le President, dat I Do speak de langue Anglaise propare, and I demand pardon. I tank you. I myself sit down. Mr. Wittee. Mr. President, I rise to ask if we are not departing from the question before us? The question is, "Is phrenology entitled to the rank of a science?" But we are speculating upon other subjects President. If we are inquiring as to the truth of facts, and the certainty of knowledge, we can hardly avoid discussing all the incidental questions to which phrenology has given rise. But as our time has nearly expired, I hope the gentlemen will confir e themselves, as strictly as possible, to the question. Dr. Sneaker. Mr. President! President. Dr. Sneaker, gentlemen. Dr. Sneaker. I rise, sir, to remark, that, in my opinion, nothing can be more absurd, than for the friends of phrenology to preteral that there is any thing certain in any of their speculations. Go to one professor, and he will tell you that you are a rogue; and go to another, and he will tell you that you are a fool. If any thing could be told by the bumps, as bumps never deceive, like features, there could not be such a discrepancy. I have had all sorts of things said about my bead. Mr. Lancet. Mr. President! President. Mr. Lancet, gentlemen, Mr. Lancet. I rise, Mr. President, to ask the gentleman last up, if it is any more absurd to believe in phrenology, because its professors differ in regard to particular cases, than to believe that medicine is a science, when doctors so generally disagree, that nothing is certain in medicine, except that the patient must die? The gentleman says that some professors have told him that he was a rogue, and others that he was a fool; I would ask, Mr. President, if it is impossible for both to be right? Squire Sponge. Mr. President! President. Squire Sponge, gentlemen. Squire Sponge. The gentleman seems to think that the science of medicine is uncertain, and really something must be conceded to him on this point; but, for a moment, I should like to contrast the uncertainty of phrenology with the established principles of my profession. The great principles of law, sir, are so well settled, that no one can be in doubt about them; and, until phrenology attains to some. thing like the same stability, it must lay aside all pretensions to the rank of a science. off Dr. Begarre. Monsieur le President, I stand myself up again, to say to the gentilhomme up at last, that if phrenologie was no more certan dan his law, I should be much sorry. Ma foi! Monsieur le President, you cut off de head of your frin, and de lawyer tell you all juste, all propare. Eh bien, you go wid your head cut no, your frin go wid his head cut off to de oder lawyare, and he say de ting is injuste. De one lawyare show to you de case, de decision, ten, five, dozan, all for you. Den de oder lawyare, he have five, ten, dozan tuzzer way. Eh bien, well den, de juge say al! two ways parfaitement juste, and de juree dey no gree. Voila! what you call certainty? Ma foi! dare is notting certan', but dat both partees will be sheeted out of all de l'argent, what you call sponge. It must be allow dat de law is certainement one grand science. I have hear dat dey throw de Salem vish in de vautare, and if he swim, he risk, certan', and he have de body squeeze out of his breath; but if he himself drown under de vautare, he have de consolation to learn dat he is no vish. Monsieur le President, de vish is de man who go to de law; if he swim, he is ruin; if he no swim, [shrugging his shoulders.] den dat is all. Dr. Noddie. I must confess, Mr. President President. The Rev. Dr. Noddle, gentlemen Dr. Noddle. I must confess, Mr. President, that the charge of uncertainty lies, with some force, against the two sciences of law and medicine; but will the friends of phrenology hazard a comparison of their science with that of theology, that sure word of prophecy, as unerring as it is eternal and unchangeable. I think the gentlemen in the affirmative must concede that their science has no claims to certainty, compared with those of theology. Dr. Begarre. Ah, Monsieur le Ministère, I am great much sorry to myself oppose to you. Mais, but. I cannot hold on to my tongue, when you make comparaison between teologie Dr. Begarre. Oui, what religion party you belong? President. Oh! I am an Episcopalian. Dr. Begarre, Eh bien. [Speaking to Dr. Noddle.] Et vous, Monsieur le Docteur Noddell'? Dr. Noddle. It is well known that I am a Presbyterian. Dr. Begarre. Eh bien. [Looking at Dr Powwow. Et vous, Monsieur le Docteur Powwow? Dr. Powwow. I am a Baptist, I suppose. Dr. Begarre. Très bien. Et vous. Monsieur le Reverend Greatsol, what sex you follow? Mr. Greatsoul. I am called a Methodist. Dr. Begarre. Enough. [Shrugging his shoulders.] Pardon'. You have prove de certainty of de science of téologie. Ma foi dere is notting certan' but dat you all diffare now, nevare, all time. I vill not spokes no more. President. Gentlemen, the hour to which your debate is limited by the by-laws, has elapsed, and the debate must be arrested. Is it your mind that the question be put in the usual manner? If so, please to manifest it. (All hold up hands.] President It is a vote. Such, then, as are of opinion that phrenology is entitled to the rank of a science, will please to hold up their hands. [Some hold up.) President. Such as are otherwise minded. [Some hold up} President. The question is decided in the affirmative. [Several cry out, Doubted! Doubted!] President. The decision is doubted, gentlemen. Will you be good enough Mr. Straightway. Mr. President. I would ask, whether the decision of this question here, will settle the question even here. I move that the meeting be adjourned. Dr. Begarre. I will be his second. President. It is moved and seconded, that this meeting be adjourned. If this be your mind, gentlemen, you will please to signify it. [All hands up.) President. The meeting, then, is adjourned. (F. F. D.) Percy. Now, my boys, for a trial of your skill! Imagine the mark to be a Yankee; and here is a guinea for whoever hits his heart. Jonathan draws near to see the trial, and when the first soldier fire, and misses, he slaps his hand on his thigh and laughs immoderately. Lord Percy notices Alma. When the second soldier pres, and missPS, Jonathan throws up his old hat, and laugas again] Percy. [Very crossly.] Why do you laugh. fellow ? Jonathan. To think how safe the Yankees are, if you must know. Percy. Why, do you think you could shoot better! Jonathan. I don't know; I could try Percy. Give him a gun, soldier, and you may return the fellow's laugh. Jonathan. [Takes the gun, and looks at every part of it carefully, and then says,] It won't bust, will it? Father's gun don't shine like this, but I guess it's a better gun. Percy. Why? Why do you guess so? Jonathan. 'Cause I know what that'll deu, and I have some doubts about this ere. But look o' here! You called that-air mark a Yankee; and I won't fire at a Yankee. Percy. Well, call it a British regular, if you please; only fire. Jonathan. Well, a reg'lar it is, then Now for freedom, as father says. [He raises the gun, and fires.] There, I guess that-air red coat has got a hole in it! [Turning to the soldiers.] Why don't you laugh now, as thatair fellow said you might [Pointing to Percy.] Percy. You awkward rascal, that was an accident. Do you think you could hit the mark again? Jonathan. He! I don't know; I can try. Percy. Give him another gun, soldiers; and take care that the clown does not shoot I should not fear to stand before the mark myself. you. Jonathan. I guess you'd better not. Percy. Why? Do you think you could hit me? Jonathan. I don't know; I could try. [Jonathan fires, and again hits the mark.] Jonathan. Ha, ha, ha! How father would laugh to see me shooting at half-gun-shot! Percy. Why, you rascal, do you think you could hit the mark at twice that distance? Jonathan. He! I don't know; I'm not afeard to try. Percy. Give him another gun, soldiers, and place the mark farther off. [Jonathan fires again, and hits as before.] Jonathan. There, I guess that-air reg'lar is as dead as the pirate that father says the judge hangs till he is dead, dead, dead, three times dead; and that is one more death than Scripter tells on. Percy. There, fellow, is a guinea for you. Jonathan. Is it a good one? [Ringing it.] Percy. Good? Yes. Now begone! Jonathan. I should like to stay, and see them fellows kill some more Yankees. Percy. Aside] The fellow is more rogue than fool. To Jonathan.] Sirrah, what is your name? Jonathan. Jonathan. Jonathan. Wot'll you give to know? Jonathan. Why, you see, his name was George, and he was afeard they'd think he was called arter King George, and so the Gin'ral Court altered it to Joe. Perry. Do you think your father can shoot as well as you do? Jonathan. I don't know; but I guess he wouldn't be afeard to try. Percy. Where did you learn your skill? Jonathan. Oh, father larnt me, when I wasn't knee high to a woodchuck. Percy. Why did he teach you so young? Jonathan. 'Cause, he said, I might have to shoot red-coats, one of these days. Percy. Ah! Pray, my boy, do all the farmers in your town shoot as well as you do? Jonathan. Yes, and better, teu. Percy. Would they like to shoot at redcoats, as you call them? Jonathan. I've heerd 'em say they'd like to try. Percy. Come, my good fellow, while you are well off, you had better join us, and fight for your king; for we shall hang every we catch. Yankee Jonathan. I guess you won't catch any. Percy. Well, we can try, as you say; and, since we have caught you, we will hang you for a traitor. Jonathan. No you won't. You paid me yourself for killing them three red-coats; so I guess you won't hang me for that. Percy. No, my good fellow, I like you too well. I am sorry that my duty to my king obliges me to injure men who show, in every thought and action, that they are true Englishmen. You may go free; but the next time you see my troops firing at a mark for exercise, you must not be so uncivil as to laugh at them, when they miss. What say you? Jonathan. I don't know whether I can help it. Percy. Well, you can try, can't you? Jonathan I s'pose I can; for Deacon Simple tried to milk his geese, but his wife didn't make no more butter for his trying, I guess. Percy. Begone! or I shall have to put you under guard. Officer, give him a pass to Charlestown; but never let him come among our troops again. His example is a bad (F. F. D.) one. 763. DRESS AND ASSURANCE. George. How are you, Dick? Why, what's the matter, boy? Whose sins are you lamenting now? Richard. Yours, George. I cannot but tremble for you. when I consider what must be the inevitable consequence of your present line of conduct. George. Pshaw, Dick! Now don't, my good fellow, distress yourself on my account for I am determined to enjoy life, and I should be sorry to have my enjoyment the source of pain to an old friend. Richard. What do you mean by enjoy. ment? George. Enjoyment! Why, plenty of all the good things of this world, and a comfortable sit down, now and then, with one's friends. Richard. But, do you not recollect that your resources are by no means equal to your dress, and other extraordinary expenses? |