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and take as much as he'll give you. You had better sprain your wrist in the seventh or eighth round, when the odds have risen to twelve to one, and give in about the twelfth."
"Well, sir, I'm always ready to act as the gentleman to any gentleman as is a gentleman. Can I have the five hundred down, sir?"
No, no, Tom,-do the work first, -you and I know each other. I'll give you no chance of selling me too. But come, time's up,-do as I say, and your money's safe."
The whole cavalcade now went up to the place where the commissarygeneral had extended the ropes. Sir Philip, the backer of the opposite party, dexterously slipped across, and whispered in Tom's ear,-" Win the battle, Tom, and I give ye half a thousand."
"The fool!" whispered our friend Tom to his bottleholder, as the baronet turned away, " if he had clapped on another hundred I would have won the battle in ten minutes."
It is useless to describe the fortunes of the fight. The odds rose to 23 on Tom; Bill to all appearance was dead beat, when, in the ninth round, the winning man dislocated his wrist, and, after taking an extraordinary quantity of punishment, and losing three of his teeth, went
down, and was deaf to the call of time. Both men were most terribly bruised, the eyes of both were cut and swelled amazingly, and the victor and vanquished were carried off upon shutters, and carefully put to bed. Meanwhile the two patrons of the ring got into their carriage once more, and returned quickly to town. They agreed to dine together that day. The Honourable Augustus Scamp paid over the two hundred pounds to Sir Philip, and cursed his bad luck in always backing the loser. They were in a private room, and both impatient for their dinner. "What the devil's the matter with Scott to-day?—he's generally as punctual as clock-work," said Sir Philip, " and I hear six striking in the coffee-room." As he said these words, the influence of the hour began!—with a bolt, and a shock of inconceivable pain, his three front teeth fell on the floorthe Honourable Mr Scamp's eyes became darkened-his body became a mass of contusions-and when the waiter opened the door to announce dinner, he found the two gentlemen extended on the floor, writhing in pain, and in every respect punished and bruised the same as their two champions in the morning.
NICK THE THIRD.
"And this young man you talk of, this aristocratic plebeian, sir, resides at the Western Farm".
"He does, Mr Froth, and I don't at all like his appearance, I assure
"How so?-I thought you said his appearance was very prepossess ing ?"
"Too much so, I'm afraid. I can't persuade myself he is the rustic in reality he pretends to be."
"Romance for a thousand !-ah! what a lucky dog I am! I shall go this moment and make his acquaintance, hear all his story, add a few items from my own imagination, and furbish up a three-volume novel directly, The Sentimental Unknown,' or The Rustic in the Wilds'-a good thought, ain't it, sir ?”
"I'm no judge, Mr Froth-but all that I can say is, I don't like his rambling so much in my park; and I rather suspect my daughter Maria
knows more about him than we do." "Hem!-indeed!-that makes it a different matter; but you know, sir, I have your consent; as to the heart, it is a mere trifle in these matters. Miss Maria shall be Mrs Froth in three days;-for, a word in your ear, Sir Timothy-I think I shall make a bold push for it, and carry her off."
Carry her off! How, sir!-carry off my own daughter when you have my consent to marry her ?" "Just so. I hate such commonplace marriages, where fiddling old fellows of fathers give the obedient couple their blessing, and every thing is carried on with the precision and solemnity of a funeral! No; give me the runaway match,-the galloping horses, the pursuit,-the paragraph in the newspapers! Zounds! the name of Froth shall make some noise in the world!"
"Mr Froth-sir-what do you
mean, sir, by inculcating such doctrine in my presence, talking disrespectfully of the paternal benediction".
"I beg pardon-don't get into a heat 'tis unpoetical".
"What do you mean, sir, by talking to me about poetical?"
Tis unromantic, sir-'tis absurd." "Oh, I see-I see. Mr Froth, I certainly promised you my daughter's hand; but, sir, this is not the way to gain it."-Exit.
The old gentleman seems in a rage to-day; so much the better for my work. A novel never takes with out a choleric old gentleman. But I must hie me to the Wester Farm, and hold commune with this rustic. In the meantime I shall keep my eye on Miss Maria. I shall hire some simple fellow to watch her, and give me notice of what she has been doing during my absence.-Here, rusticpastoral-clod!"
“Ees, zur, here I bees," said the peasant thus addressed.
"'Tis a fine day, peasant.-Now, respond to my interrogatories." "Thank ye, zur-the zame to you, zur."
"The name of this estate ?"
"We calls un Morland Hall." "Right. Thou art of an acute understanding.-Knowest thou who resides in yonder mansion?"
"Ees, zur-it be old Zur Timothy, and his young woman."
"Woman!-Aroint, thou unsophisticate! Elevate thy plebeian understanding to the empyrean heights of Apocalyptic glory, and call her angel."
"Well, now, this is my command to thee-keep strict watch here in my absence, and on no account permit the beautiful Miss Maria Morland, to whom I am going to be married shortly-you need not jump so, but listen to what I say-on no account, I say, allow her to go towards the Wester Farm. There is some scoundrel hiding himself there, whom I suspect to be some lover or other she must have met with at her aunt's in Leicestershire. I am going to find out his disguise, and lull his watchfulness to rest,-for this very evening I have ordered my carriage to the corner of the hazel copse to carry her off."
You talk of making your escape, Miss Morland,-you are an adept at making an escape."
"What mean you? Have I done any thing to offend you?"
"Mr Froth, madam, has this moment informed me of your projected elopement this evening." "Elopement!-this evening-you are dreaming.'
"I was not dreaming when I heard the conceited fool declare he was to carry you off to-night; that his carriage was to be at the door-and that he was to marry you immediately."
"Ha! ha!-it is only some contemptible invention of my miserable admirer-Elope with him! no, never with him."
"Is it with any one else, then? I may have misunderstood."
"With any one else? Why, how should I know? no one else has asked me."
"Eh? what? Fool, fool that I have been all this time! Forgive me, dearest Maria, but I am worried past endurance by the concealment which you yourself recommended; why not let me reveal my name and rank at once to your father, and claim"
"Oh, he can't hear of it! I tell you he is under a solemn obligation to give Mr Froth his vote and interest for my hand; but-but"
"But what, my angel? Speak on." "But-if-you know-if I were fairly marr-I mean if-you knowwhy, how slow you are, Rawdon !"
"Slow!-never was such an angelic, dear, delightful-we'll elope before them; Froth may elope by himself, if he likes. We'll be off this very day-this very hour-but, confound my ill-luck, I left my carriage twenty miles off, at the Falcon."
"Ah! how unfortunate! could you not have brought your carriage to the farm ?"
"With these clothes? in this disguise, Maria ?"
"No; I see it was impossible. Hush, here's Mr Froth."
"Ha! Bumpkin, still here? that's right, my boy, there's a crown for you-abscond, but wait at a little distance; I shall discourse with thee anon. Your admirer, Miss Morland, at the farm, is one of the cleverest fellows in England."
"My admirer at the farm, Mr Froth! you surprise me."
"I knew I should; I always like to surprise the ladies. But positively he's a capital hit; he'll carry through the third volume swimmingly; such a power of face; such a twang; and such matchless impudence in denying that he was anything but what he seemed. I told him I knew it all; that he was a gentleman; that he was in love with you, and to all that I said, he only opened his great saucer eyes and said, Zurely, zurely, zur.' Oh, 'twas infinitely provocative of cachinnation!"
"It must have been very amusing to hear a Devonshire peasant talk in the patois of his county."
Exactly-Very amusing. But it was not a peasant, Miss Maria; no, no; it was the acting I admired; it was a gentleman, Miss Maria; and a friend of yours, too. But we'll trick him; your father is in favour of my claims upon your hand; but it is an exceedingly prosaic way of being married. Don't you think so?" "Very."
"And you would prefer a more spirited match ?" "Yes."
"An elopement ?"
"Capital! thank ye, thank ye'twill be an admirable incident towards the conclusion."
at half-past five-get all your things into it-slip quietly out yourselffour admirable posters-pistols in the pockets. I have already put a purse under the seat, to pay as we go along. Ha! that's your sort!you'll do it ?" "Perhaps."
"Thank ye, thank ye-here by this kiss I swear!"
"Zur, zur, here be Zur Timothy." "Shepherd, never interrupt people on the point of kissing, 'tis cruelha! Miss Morland gone! - Well, clodpole, what didst thou remark in my absence ?"
"Efaiks! the young woman an' me-uz got on prodigious foineees."
"You did? but she seemed to have no inclination to go on to the farm?"
"Noa-she stayed where she was she zeemed well enough pleased wi' I."
"She is alady of great discernment. But stay-I shall need your services again. Be punctually at the hazel copse at half-past five. You will there see a carriage and four-help Miss Morland into it, and allow no one to go near her except yourself, till I come. You may stay beside her to protect her in my absence." Ees, zur, I'll purtect she wi' my
"Good-rustic, thou art not the greatest fool in the world."
"Noa, zur-I be next to un, tho'."
"Thou'rt modest; be punctualbe faithful, and another crown rewards thy fidelity."-Exit.
66 Well, this is better than I could possibly have expected-let me see -four o'clock. I'll go to the farm, make all my arrangements, and be ready to take advantage of my good fortune at half-past five."
At half-past five a carriage with four posters was waiting at the appointed place. Miss Morland tripped quickly from the hall, and was received by her disguised admirer. "Dearest Maria, this is so kind."
Hush, hush-Mr Froth will be here instantly. I saw him with papa in the shrubbery, as I passed."
Well, jump into the carriage, we must borrow Mr Froth's. Now, I'm in after you; shut the door, postilion, and drive like a whirlwind."
"Please, sir," said the postilion,
be you the gemman as hired the horses ?"
"Here, my good fellow, there's a Sovereign-drive well, it shall be doubled."
"I thought you was Mr Froth. Jack, mind this here gemman is Mr Froth-a sovereign, Jack." "Mum's the word," said Jack, and put foot in stirrup.
“Ho! ho! wo! stop there!" cried Mr Froth, running at the top of his speed, followed in the distance by Sir Timothy; "stop, you cursed postilion, that rustic is not I-that's my carriage. Miss Morland, for God's sake, stop! Rustic! bumpkin !”
"Hark ye, Mr Froth, I'm rustic and bumpkin no longer. This young lady has consented to be my wife, and my wife she shall be, thanks to
LETTER FROM THE RIGHT HON. THOMAS PEREGRINE COURTENAY.
SIR, CONTROVERSY must have an end. Looking only to the main subjects of that which you allowed me to conduct in your number of March, I might indeed be well content to leave it where it is; because, in the few remarks which are to be found in the last number of the New Monthly Magazine, the other party has not attempted to controvert any one single fact, or to dispute any one argument, of those which I had adduced. If, then, that writer be deemed a competent champion, I have a perfect right to assume, that I have established beyond dispute the positions for which I contended in the Foreign Quarterly Review, and in your Magazine. In hard words, I fear, I must acknowledge myself beaten; but, in facts and deductions, I am confessedly triumphant. should therefore leave the matter here, if my opponent had not attempted to vilify my personal conduct. It is not because I apprehend that my character can suffer from an anonymous attack, that I notice this assault, but chiefly because I am always desirous of coming to close quarters; and as I never write a paragraph which I am not ready to
defend, so neither will I willingly permit one to be directed against me, without meeting it, point by point, openly, and without evasion.
It is first said, that in stating that Mr Stapleton's error consisted in misrepresenting, not Mr Canning, but Lord Castlereagh, I have abandoned the most important position of my reviews; and have admitted that Mr Stapleton's description of Mr Canning's management of affairs is accurate. In reference to the point to which I was referring, (the Naples circular,) Mr Stapleton's error lay, certainly, in misrepresenting Lord Castlereagh rather than Mr Canning; but it is absolutely impossible that he who read my letter, could really doubt that I continued to impute to Mr Stapleton, also, a misrepresentation of Mr Canning's principles and conduct.* This is an ingenious method of evading a dispute which it is inconvenient to prolong.
I ask, what position, which is to be found in my reviews, have I abandoned?-what statement, made by me, have I recanted?
The writer then, using the figure of speech called Omission, expresses his readiness to pass by my at the amiable prejudices" + of Mr
See particularly p. 520-" Mr Canning did not systematically support liberal and popular institutions in other countries ;" and p. 523, as to the balance between conflicting principles. All this is quite in keeping with the reviews.
† I cannot immediately find the passage here quoted; but I dare say that I used the expression.
952 Letter from the Right Hon. Thomas Peregrine Courtenay. [June,
Stapleton. I do not much expect the present writer to understand or believe me; but it is nevertheless true, that I intended no sneer at Mr Stapleton. I did and do believe, that the feelings which prompted that gentleman, in exalting Mr Canning at the expense of Lord Castlereagh, were amiable feelings. In his, as in many other instances, such feelings have been displayed without judgment, and applied without justice.
As to the remainder of this paragraph, I have only to deny, most peremptorily and positively, that I have attempted to injure Mr Canning's reputation; and I reject with scorn the imputation, that I have effected that purpose by "unworthy insinuations." I must here have recourse to my accustomed mode, and askas I have before asked in vain-for the when, the how, and the where?
Now, I am charged with dexterously pretending to consider as my real offence in the eye of my opponent, the support which I gave to the Duke of Wellington. I practised no such dexterity. I was told that my object in this controversy was, to defend the part which I had taken in the governments of Lord Castlereagh, Mr Canning, and the Duke of Wellington. I said, and truly, that the last was the proceeding under this head of charge, most offensive to my critic, as I knew it to be the only one upon which a plausible question could be raised. As such, I met it fairly; but I did not use it to divert attention from other charges against
I knew well that I was also charged with displaying " the anger of disappointment," and with"the cavilling of detraction." Certainly I treated this charge lightly, because I felt that no man who knew any thing about me, could seriously apply these expressions to me; and I still feel, that he who now accuses me of unfairly disparaging Mr Canning through design, writes, either in ignorance occasioned by my unimportance, or in selfdelusion, occasioned by some disappointment or discomfiture which has befallen him. Much more readily, indeed, would I acknowledge" obliquity of intellect," than plead guilty
* Foreign Quarterly, xvi. 415.
to a charge of unfairness or ingratitude!
For his proofs, however, of my designed unfairness, he refers to a page in the Review,* in which I comment on Mr Canning's speech on sending troops to Portugal. I rejoice even at the approach to precision and distinctness which this reference indicates; but it is still so general, that I am not certain of having rightly conceived it. The crimination applies, as I suspect, to my observations on the celebrated passage as to the creation of the new world. Mr Stapleton had treated it as containing a deliberate exposition of Mr Canning's views. I cannot so consider it; and I believe that no man who was present at the enunciation of those memorable words will deny that they deemed it at the time, as I still deem it, a bold flight of eloquence. I have endeavoured to shew that it could be nothing more. If to think it possible that a great orator may sometimes be carried by the torrent of his own eloquence into a position not easily tenable, be an injurious disparagement, I plead guilty, and sue for mercy. It is my conscientious belief that Mr Canning was thus led away. I am sure that a detraction so minute will be imperceptible in his posthumous fame. Had I desired to injure his reputation, I should have evaded the topic: still, so anxious am I to clear myself from the charge of injustice towards Mr Canning, that I will, even at the call of the querulous and unfair critic by whom I am assailed, express the deep regret which I should feel, if any person more worthy of regard should find, in the expressions in which I have conveyed my view of this singular occurrence, any thing injurious to Mr Canning.
For the other instance of unfair disparagement, I offer no apology. It is not Mr Canning who is disparaged, when it is denied that his policy had effects which it was neither calculated nor intended to produce. Praise undeserved is censure in disguise. The passage on which I commented is a mere piece of romance, which no man would have treated with so much severity as Mr Can
↑ Ibid. xvi. 428.