DRAMATIS PERSONE.

Kitely, a Merchant.
Captain Bobadil.

Kno'well, an old Gentleman.
Edward Kno'well, his Son.
Brain-worm, the Father's Man.
Mr. Stephen, a Country Gull.
Downright, a plain Squire.

Well-bred, his Half-brother.

Justice Clement, an old merry Magistrate.

Roger Formal, his Clerk.

Mr. Matthew, the Town Gull.

Cash, Kitely's Man.

Cob, a Water-bearer.

Dame Kitely.

Mrs. Bridget, Sister to Kitely.

Tib, Cob's Wife.

SCENE, London,

EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOUR.*

ACT I.

SCENE I. A Court-Yard before Kno'well's
House.

Enter KNO'WELL and BRAINWORM.
Kno. A GOODLY day toward! and a fresh
morning! Brainworm,

Call up young master. Bid him rise, sir.
Tell him I have some businefs to employ him.
Bra. I will, sir, presently.

Kno. But hear you, sirrah.

If he be at his book, disturb him not.

Bra. Well, sir.

[Erit

Kno. How happy, yet, should I esteem myself,
Could I, by any practice, wean the boy
From one vain course of study he affects.

He is a scholar, if a man may trust
The liberal voice of Fame in her report,
Of good account, in both our universities;
Either of which have favoured him with graces:
But their indulgence must not spring in me
A fond opinion, that he cannot err.
Myself was once a student; and, indeed,
Fed with the self-same humour he is now,
Dreaming on nought but idle poetry,
That fruitless, and unprofitable art,

Good unto none, but least to the professors,
Which, then, I thought the mistress of all know!

ledge:

[ment,

But since time and the truth have wak'd my judg Vol. IX.

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And reason taught me better to distinguish
The vain from th' useful learnings-

Enter Master STEPHEN.

Cousin Stephen!

What news with you, that you are here so early? Step. Nothing, but e'en come to see how you do, uncle.

Kno. That's kindly done, you are welcome, coz. Step. Ay, I know that, sir, I would not ha' come else. How doth my cousin Edward, uncle?

Kno. O, well, coz, go in and see: I doubt he be scarce stirring yet.

Step. Uncle, afore I go in, can you tell me an' he have e'er a book of the sciences of hawking and hunting? I would fain borrow it.

Kno. Why, I hope you will not a hawking now, will you?

*

Step. No wofse, but I'll practise against the next year, uncle. I have bought me a hawk, and a hood, and bells, and all; I lack nothing but a book to keep it by.

Kno. O, most ridiculous!

Step. Nay, look you now, you are angry, uncle. Why, you know, an' a man have not skill in the hawking and hunting languages now-a-days, I'll not give a rush for him. They are more studied than the Greek, or the Latin. He is for no gallant's company without 'em. And by Gad's lid I scorn it, I, so I do, to be a consort for every hum-drum, hang 'em scroyls, there's nothing in 'em, i' the world. What do you talk on it? Because I dwell at Hogsden, I shall keep company with none but the archers of Finsbury or the citizens, that come a ducking to Islington ponds! A fine jest i'faith! slid, a gentleman mun show himself like a gentleman. Uncle, I pray you be not angry. I know what I have to do, I trow, I am no novice.

Kno. You are a prodigal, absurd coxcomb: go to! Nay, never look at me, it's I that speak.

Take't as you will, sir, I'll not flatter you.
Ha' you not yet found means enow to waste

That which your friends have left you, but you must
Go cast away your money on a kite,

And know not how to keep it when you've done? O, it's comely! this will make you a gentleman! Well, cousin, well! I see you are e'en past hope Of all reclaim. Ay, so, now you're told on it, You look another way.

Step. What would you ba' me do?

Kno. What would I have you do! I'll tell you, kinsman;

Learn to be wise, and practise how to thrive ;
That would I have thee do and not to spend
Your coin our every bawble that you fancy,
Or every foolish brain that humours you.
"I would not have you to invade each place,
"Nor thrust yourself on all societies,
"Till men's affections, or your own desert,
"Should worthily invite you to your rank.
"He that is so respectlefs in his courses,
"Oft sells his reputation at cheap market.
"Nor would I you should melt away yourself
"In flashing bravery, lest while you affect
"To make a blaze of gentry to the world,
"A little puff of scorn extinguish it,
"And you be left like an unsavory snuff,
"Whose property is only to offend."
I'd ha' you sober and contain yourself:
Not, that your sail be bigger than your boat;
But mod'rate your expences now (at first)
As you may keep the same proportion still.
Nor stand so much on your gentility,

Which is an airy, and mere borrow'd thing,
From dead men's dust and bones: and none of yours
Except you make, or hold it. Who comes here?

Enter a SERVANT.

Serv. Save you, gentlemen.

Step. Nay, we do not stand much on our gentility, friend; yet, you are welcome; and I afsure you mine uncle here is a man of a thousand a year, Middlesex land: he has but one son in all the world; I am his next heir (at the common law) Master Stephen, as simple as I stand here; if my cousin die (as there's hope he will). I have a pretty living o' my own too, beside, hard by here.

Serv. In good time, sir.

Step. In good time, sir! why? and in very good time, sir. You do not flout, friend, do you?

Serv. Not I, sir.

Step. Not you, sir! you were not best, sir; an' you should, here be them can perceive it, and that quickly too go to. And they can give it again soundly too, an' need be..

Serv. Why, sir, let this satisfy you: good faith, I had no such intent.

Step. Sir, an' I thought you had, I would talk with you, and that presently.

Serv. Good Master Stephen, so you may, sir, at your pleasure.

Step. And so I would, sir, good my saucy compa nion? an' you were out o' my uncle's ground, I can tell you; though I do not stand upon my gentility neither in't.

Kno. Cousin! cousin! will this ne'er be left?

Step. Whoreson, base fellow? a mechanical serv ing man? By this cudgel, and 'twere not for shame, I would

Kno. What would you do, you peremptory gull? If you cannot be quiet, get you hence.

You see, the honest man demeans himself
Modestly towards you, giving no reply

To your unseason'd, quarrelling, rude fashion:
And still you huff it, with a kind of carriage,
As void of wit, as of humanity.

Go, get you in, 'fore heaven, I am asham'd
Thou hast a kinsman's interest in me.

[Exit Step. Serv. I pray you, sir, is this Master Kno'well's house?

Kno. Yes, marry, is't, sir.

Serv. I should inquire for a gentleman here, one Master Edward Kno'well: do you know any such, sir, I pray you?

Kno. I should forget myself else, sir.

Serv. Are you the gentleman: cry you mercy, sir: I was requir'd by a gentleman i' the city, as I rode out at this end of the town, to deliver you this let ter, sir.

Kno. To me, sir! [To his most selected Friend, Master Edward Kno'well.] What might the gen man's name be, sir, that sent it?