and secret prayer, and longed much for the presence of God to attend his word and ordinances the next day.

Lord's day, May 11. "Assisted in the administration of the Lord's supper; but enjoyed but little enlargement: was grieved and sunk with some things, which I thought undesirable, &c. In the afternoon went to the house of God, weak and sick in soul, as well as feeble in body, and longed that the people might be entertained and edified with divine truths, and that an honest fervent testimony might be borne for God; but knew not how it was possible for me to do any thing of that kind to any good purpose. Yet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleased to give me assistance both in prayer and preaching. God helped me to wrestle for his presence in prayer, and to tell him that he had promised, Where two or three are met together in his name, there he would be in the midst of them;' and that we were, at least some of us, so met; and pleaded that for his truth's sake he would be with us. Blessed be God, it was sweet to my soul, thus to plead and rely on God's promises. Discoursed upon Luke ix. 30, 31. And behold there talked with him two men, which were Moses and Elias, who appeared in glory, and spake of his decease, which he should accomplish at Jerusalem. Enjoyed special freedom from the beginning to the end of my discourse without interruption. Things pertinent to the subject were abundantly presented to my view, and such a fulness of matter, that I scarce knew how to dismiss the various heads and particulars I had occasion to touch upon. Blessed be the Lord, I was favoured with some fervency and power, as well as freedom; so that the word of God seemed to awaken the attention of a stupid audience to a considerable degree. I was inwardly refreshed with the consolations of God, and could with my whole heart say, Though there be no fruit in the vine, &c. yet will I rejoice in the Lord.' After public service, was refreshed with the sweet conversation of some Christian friends."

The four next days seem to have been mostly spent with spiritual comfort and profit.

May 16. "Near night enjoyed some agreeable and sweet conversation with a dear minister; which was, 1 trust, blessed to my soul. My heart was warmed, and my soul engaged to live to God; so that I longed to exert myself with more vigour than ever I had done in his cause; and those words were quickening to me, Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bring forth much fruit.' Oh, my soul longed, and wished, and prayed to be enabled to live to God with the utmost constancy and ardour! In the evening God was pleased to shine upon me in secret prayer, and draw out my soul after himself; and I had

freedom in supplication for myself, but much more in intercession for others: so that I was sweetly constrained to say,' Lord, use me as thou wilt; do as thou wilt with me: but O, promote thine own cause! Zion is thine; Oh, visit thine heritage! Let thy kingdom come! Oh let thy blessed interest be advanced in the world.' When I attempted to look to God respecting my worldly circumstances, and his providential dealings with me relative to my settling down in my congregation; which seems to be necessary, and yet very difficult, and contrary to my fixed intentions for years past, as well as to my disposition, which has been and still is, at times especially, to go forth, and spend my life in preaching the gospel from place to place, and gathering souls afar off to Jesus the great Redeemer; I could only say, "The will of the Lord be done; it is no matter for me. The same frame of mind I felt with regard to another important affair, of which I have lately had some serious thoughts. I could say, with the utmost calmness and composure, "Lord, if it be most for thy glory, let me proceed in it; but, if thou seest it will in any wise hinder my usefulness in thy cause, Oh prevent me from proceeding; for all I want respecting this world is such circumstances as may best capacitate me to do service for God in the world." But, blessed be God! I enjoyed liberty in prayer for my dear flock, and was enabled to pour out my soul into the bosom of a tender Father. My heart within me was melted, when I came to plead for my dear people, and for the kingdom of Christ in general. Oh, how sweet was this evening to my soul! I knew not how to go to bed; and when I got to bed, longed for some way to improve time for God to some excellent purpose. Bless the Lord, O my soul!

May 17. "Walked out in the morning, and felt much of the same frame which I enjoyed the evening before; had my heart enlarged in praying for the advancement of the kingdom of Christ, and found the utmost freedom in leaving all my concerns with God.

"I find discouragement to be an exceeding hindrance to my spiritual fervency and affection; but, when God enables me sensibly to find that I have done something for him, this refreshes and animates me, so that I could break through all hardships, and undergo any labours, and nothing seems too much either to do or to suffer. But oh, what a death it is to strive and strive; to be always in a hurry, and yet do nothing, or at least, nothing for God! Alas, alas, that time flies away, and I do so little for God!

Lord's day, May 18th. "I felt my own utter insufficiency for my work: God made me to see that I was a child; yea, that 1 was a fool. I discoursed both parts of the day from Rev. iii. 20, 66 Behold, I stand at the door and knock." God gave me freedom and power in the latter part of my forenoon's disVOL. X. 38

course: although, in the former part of it, I felt peevish and provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the white people, who crowded in between my people and me; which proved a great temptation to me. But, blessed be God! I got these shackles off before the middle of my discourse, and was favoured with a sweet frame of spirit in the latter part of the exercise; was full of love, warmth, and tenderness in addressing my dear people. There appears some affectionate melting towards the conclusion of the forenoon exercise, and one or two instances of fresh awakening. In the intermission of public worship 1 took occasion to discourse to numbers, in a more private way, on the kindness and patience of the blessed Redeemer in standing and knocking, in continuing his gracious calls to sinners, who had long neglected and abused his grace; which seemed to take some effect upon several.

"In the afternoon divine truths were attended with solemnity and with some tears; although there was not that powerful awakening and quickening influence which in times past has been common in our assemblies. The appearance of the audience under divine truths was comparatively discouraging; and I was ready to fear that God was about to withdraw the blessed influence of his Spirit from us.

"In the evening, I was grieved that I had done so little for God. Oh that I could be "a flame of fire" in the service of my God!

May 19. "Visited and preached to my people from Acts xx. 18, 19, "And when they were come to him, he said unto them, Ye know from the first day," &c. and endeavoured to rectify their notions about religious affections; showing them on the one hand the desirableness of religious affection, tenderness, and fervent engagement in the worship and service of God, when such affection flows from a true spiritual discovery of divine glories from a just sense of the transcendent excellence and perfections of the blessed God,-and a view of the glory and loveliness of the great Redeemer; and that such views of divine things will naturally excite us to " serve the Lord with many tears, with much affection and fervency, and yet with all humility of mind." On the other hand I observed the sinfulness of seeking after high affections immediately and for their own sakes; that is, of making them the object which our eye and heart is first and principally set upon, when the glory of God ought to be that object. Showed them, that if the heart be directly and chiefly fixed on God, and the soul engaged to glorify him, some degree of religious affection will be the effect and attendant of it. But to seek after affection directly and chiefly; to have the heart principally set upon that; is to place it in the room of God and his glory. If it be sought, that others may take notice of it, and admire us for our spirituality

and forwardness in religion, it is then abominable pride; if for the sake of feeling the pleasure of being affected, it is then idolatry and self-gratification. Laboured also to expose the disagreeableness of those affections, which are sometimes wrought up in persons by the power of fancy, and their own attempts for that purpose, while I still endeavoured to recommend to them that religious affection, fervency, and devotion which ought to attend all our religious exercises, and without which religion will be but an empty name and a lifeless carcase. This appeared to be a seasonable discourse, and proved very satisfactory to some of the religious people, who before were exercised with some difficulties relating to this point. Afterwards took care of, and gave my people directions about their worldly affairs."

On Tuesday, he complains of want of freedom and comfort; but had some returns of these on Wednesday.

May 22. "In the evening was in a frame somewhat remarkable. I had apprehended for some days before, that it was the design of Providence that I should settle among my people here, and had in my own mind began to make provision for it, and to contrive means to hasten it; and found my heart somewhat engaged in it; hoping that I might then enjoy more agreeable circumstances of life in several respects; and yet was never fully determined, never quite pleased with the thoughts of being settled and confined to one place. Nevertheless I seemed to have some freedom in that respect, because the congregation with which I thought of settling, was one which God had enabled me to gather from among Pagans. For I never, since I began to preach, could feel any freedom to enter into other men's labours, and settle down in the ministry where the gospel was preached before. I never could make that appear to be my province. When I felt any disposition to consult my worldly ease and comfort, God has never given me any liberty in this respect, either since, or for some years before, I began to preach. But God having succeeded my labours, and made me instrumental in gathering a church for him among these Indians, I was ready to think it might be his design to give me a quiet settlement, and a stated home of my own. This, considering the late frequent sinking and failure of my spirits, and the need I stood in of some agreeable society, and my great desire of enjoying conveniences and opportunities for profitable studies, was not altogether disagreeable to me. Although I still wanted to go about far and wide, in order to spread the blessed gospel among the benighted souls far remote, yet I never had been so willing to settle in any one place, for more than five years past, as I

was in the preceding part of this week. But now these thoughts seemed to be wholly dashed to pieces, not by necessity, but of choice; for it appeared to me that God's dealings towards me had fitted me for a life of solitariness and hardship, and that I had nothing to lose, nothing to do with earth, and consequently nothing to lose by a total renunciation of it. It appeared to me just right that I should be destitute of house and home, and many of the comforts of life, which I rejoiced to see others of God's people enjoy. At the same time, I saw so much of the excellency of Christ's kingdom and the infinite desirableness of its advancement in the world, that it swallowed up all my other thoughts, and made me willing, yea, even rejoice, to be made a pilgrim or hermit in the wilderness to my dying moment; if I might thereby promote the blessed interest of the great Redeemer. If ever my soul presented itself to God for his service, without any reserve of any kind, it did so now. The language of my thoughts and disposition now was “Here I am, Lord, send me; send me to the ends of the earth; send me to the rough, the savage Pagans of the wilderness; send me from all that is called comfort in earth, or earthly comfort; send me even to death itself, if it be but in thy service, and to promote thy kingdom.” At the same time, I had as quick and lively a sense of the value of worldly comforts, as I ever had but only saw them infinitely overmatched by the worth of Christ's kingdom, and the propagation of his blessed gospel. The quiet settlement, the certain place of abode, the tender friendship, which I thought I might be likely to enjoy in consequence of such circumstances, appeared as valuable to me, considered absolutely and in themselves, as ever before; but considered comparatively, they appeared nothing. Compared with the value and preciousness of an enlargement of Christ's kingdom, they vanished as stars before the rising sun. Sure I am, that, although the comfortable accommodations of life appeared valuable and dear to me, yet I did surrender and resign myself, soul and body, to the service of God, and to the promotion of Christ's kingdom; though it should be in the loss of them all, I could not do any other, because I could not will or choose any other. I was constrained, and yet chose, to say, "Farewell friends and earthly comforts, the dearest of them all, the very dearest, if the Lord calls for it: adieu, adieu; I will spend my life, to my latest moments, in caves and dens of the earth, if the kingdom of Christ may thereby be advanced. I found extraordinary freedom at this time in pouring out my soul to God for his cause; and especially that his kingdom might be extended among the Indians, far remote; and I had a great and strong hope that God would do it. I continued wrestling with God in prayer for my dear little flock here; and more especially for the Indians elsewhere; as