row but still longed for heaven, that I might glorify God in a perfect manner. O"come, Lord Jesus, come quickly." Spent the day in reading a little; and in some diversions, which I was necessitated to take by reason of much weakness and disorder. In the evening, enjoyed some freedom and intenseness in prayer.


The three remaining days of the week, he was very low and feeble in body; but nevertheless continued constantly in the same comfortable sweet frame of mind, as is expressed on Wednesday. On the Sabbath, this sweetness in spiritual alacrity began to abate; but still he enjoyed some degree of comfort, and had assistance in preaching to the Indians.

Jan. 14. "Spent this day under a great degree of bodily weakness and disorder; had very little freedom, either in my studies or devotions; and in the evening, I was much dejected and melancholy. It pains and distresses me, that I live so much of my time for nothing. I long to do much in a little time; and if it might be the Lord's will to finish my work speedily in this tiresome world, I am sure, I do not desire to live for any thing in this world; and through grace I am not afraid to look the king of terrors in the face: I know that I shall be afraid if God leaves me; and therefore I think it always my duty to provide for that solemn hour. But for a very considerable time past, my soul has rejoiced to think of death in its nearest approaches, and even when I have been very weak, and seemed nearest eternity. "Not unto me, not unto me, but to God be the glory." I feel that which convinces me, that if God do not enable me to maintain a holy dependence upon him, death will easily be a terror to me; but at present, I must say, "I long to depart, and to be with Christ," which is the best of all. When I am in a sweet resigned frame of soul, I am willing to tarry awhile in a world of sorrow. I am willing to be from home as long as God sees fit it uld be so; but when want the influence of temper, I am then apt to be impatient to be gone.-O, when will the day appear, that I shall be perfect in holiness, and in the enjoyment of God!"

The next day was spent under a great degree of dejection and melancholy; which, as he himself was persuaded, was owing partly to bodily weakness, and vapoury disorders,

Jan. 16 and 17. "I spent most of the time in writing on a sweet divine subject, and enjoyed some freedom and assistance. Was likewise enabled to pray more frequently and fervently than usual; and my soul, I think, rejoiced in God; especially

on the evening of the last of these days. Praise then seemed comely, and I delighted to bless the Lord. O what reason have 1 to be thankful, that God ever helps me to labour and study for him! he does but receive his own, when I am enabled in any measure to praise him, labour for him, and live to him. O, how comfortable and sweet it is, to feel the assistance of divine grace in the performance of the duties which God has enjoined on us! Bless the Lord, O my soul!"

The same enlargement of heart, and joyful frame of soul, continued through the next day. But on the day following it began to decline; which decay seems to have continued the whole of the next week: yet he enjoyed some seasons of special and sweet assistance.

Lord's day, Jan. 27. "Had the greatest degree of inward anguish, which I almost ever endured. I was perfectly overwhelmed, and so confused, that after I began to discourse to the Indians, before I could finish a sentence, sometimes I forgot entirely what I was aiming at; or if, with much difficulty, I had recollected what I had before designed, still it appeared strange, and like something I had long forgotten, and had now but an imperfect remembrance of. I know it was a degree of distraction, occasioned by vapoury disorders, melancholy, spiritual desertion, and some other things that particularly pressed upon me this morning, with an uncommon weight, the principal of which respected my Indians. This distressing gloom never went off the whole day; but was so far removed, that I was enabled to speak with some freedom and concern to the Indians, at two of their settlements; and I think, there was some appearance of the presence of God with us, some seriousness and seeming concern among the Indians, at least a few of them. In the evening, this gloom continued still, till family prayer,* about nine o'clock, and almost through this, until I came near the close, when I was praying, as I usually do, for the illumination and conversion of my poor people; and then the cloud was scattered, so that I enjoyed sweetness and freedom, and conceived hopes, that God designed mercy for some of them. The same I enjoyed afterwards in secret prayer; in which precious duty I had for a considerable time sweetness and freedom, and, I hope, faith, in praying for myself, my poor Indians, and dear friends and acquaintance in NewEngland, and elsewhere, and for the dear interests of Zion in general. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits."

* Though BRAINERD now dwelt by himself in the forementioned little cottage, which he had built for his own use; yet that was near to a family of white people, with whom he had lived before, and with whom he still attended family prayer.

He spent the rest of this week, or, at least, the most of it, under dejection and melancholy; which, on Friday, rose to an extreme height; he being then, as he himself observes, much exercised with vapoury disorders. This exceeding gloominess continued on Saturday, till the evening, when he was again relieved in family prayer; and after it, was refreshed in secret, and felt willing to live, and endure hardships in the cause of God; and found his hopes of the advancement of Christ's kingdom, as also his hopes to see the power of God among the poor Indians, considerably raised.

Lord's day, Feb. 3. "In the morning, I was somewhat relieved of that gloom and confusion, with which my mind has of late been greatly exercised; and was enabled to pray with some composure and comfort. Still I went to my Indians trembling; for my soul "remembered the wormwood and the gall" of Friday last. I was greatly afraid that I should be obliged again to drink of that cup of trembling, which was inconceivably more bitter than death, and made me long for the grave more, unspeakably more, than for hid treasures, yea, inconceivably more than the men of this world long for such treasures. But God was pleased to hear my cries, and to afford me great assistance; so that I felt peace in my own soul; and was satisfied, that if not one of the Indians should be profited by my preaching, but should all be damned, yet I should be accepted and rewarded as faithful; for I am persuaded, God enabled me to be so.-Had some good degree of help afterwards, at another place; and much longed for the conversion of the poor Indians. Was somewhat refreshed, and comfortable, towards night and in the evening. Oh, that my soul might praise the Lord for his goodness!-Enjoyed some freedom, in the evening, in meditation on Luke xiii. 24. Strive to enter in at the strait gate, &c."

In the three next days, he was the subject of much dejection: but the three remaining days of the week, seem to have been spent with much composure and comfort. On the next Sabbath, he preached at Greenwich, in New Jersey. In the evening, he rode eight miles to visit a sick man at the point of death, and found him speechless and senseless.

Feb. 11. "About break of day, the sick man died. I was affected at the sight; spent the morning with the mourners; and, after prayer and some discourse with them, returned to Greenwich, and preached again from Ps. lxxxix. 15. Blessed is the people that know, &c. The Lord gave me assistance; I felt a sweet love to souls, and to the kingdom of Christ; and longed that poor sinners might know the joyful sound. Several persons

were much affected. After meeting, I was enabled to discourse, with freedom and concern, to some persons, who applied to me under spiritual trouble. Left the place, sweetly composed, and rode home to my house about eight miles distant. Discoursed to friends, and inculcated divine truths upon some. In the evening, was in the most solemn frame, which I almost ever remember to have experienced. I know not that ever death appeared more real to me, or that ever I saw myself in the condition of a dead corpse, laid out, and dressed for a lodging in the silent grave, so evidently as at this time. And yet I felt exceedingly tranquil; my mind was composed and calm, and death appeared without a sting. I think, I never felt such an universal mortification to all created objects as now. O, how great and solemn a thing it appeared to die! O, how it lays the greatest honour in the dust! And O, how vain and trifling did the riches, honours, and pleasures of the world appear! I could not, I dare not, so much as think of any of them; for death, death, solemn (though not frightful) death appeared at the door. O, I could see myself dead, and laid out, and inclosed in my coffin, and put down into the cold grave, with the greatest solemnity, but without terror! I spent most of the evening in conversing with a dear Christian friend; and blessed be God, it was a comfortable evening to us both. What are friends? What are comforts? What are sorrows? What are distresses?" The time is short. It remains, that they which weep, be as though they wept not; and they which rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; for the fashion of this world passeth away. Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen."-Blessed be God for the comforts of the past day.

Feb. 12. "Was exceedingly weak; but in a sweet, resigned, composed frame, most of the day: felt my heart freely go forth after God in prayer.

Feb. 13. Was much exercised with vapoury disorders, but still enabled to maintain solemnity, and, I think, spirituality. Feb. 14. "6 Spent the day in writing on a divine subject; enjoyed health and freedom in my work; and had a solemn sense of death, as I have indeed had every day this week, in some measure. What I felt on Monday last, has been abiding, in some considerable degree, ever since.

Feb. 15. "Was engaged in writing again almost the whole day. In the evening, was much assisted in meditating on that precious text, John vii. 37. Jesus stood and cried, &c. I had then a sweet sense of the free grace of the gospel; my soul was encouraged, warmed and quickened. My desires were drawn out after God in prayer; and my soul was watchful, afraid of losing so sweet a guest as I then entertained. I continued long in prayer and meditation, intermixing one with the other; and was unwilling to be diverted by any thing at all from so

sweet an exercise. I longed to proclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the world of sinners.-O how quick and powerful is the word of the blessed God."

The next day, he complains of great conflicts with corruption, and much discomposure of mind.

Lord's day, Feb. 17. "Preached to the white people, my Interpreter being absent, in the wilderness upon the sunny side of a hill; had a considerable assembly, consisting of people who lived, at least many of them, not less than thirty miles asunder; some of them came near twenty miles. I discoursed to them all day, from John vii. 37. Jesus stood and cried, saying, if any man thirst, &c. In the afternoon, it pleased God to grant me great freedom and fervency in my discourse; and I was enabled to imitate the example of Christ in the text, who stood and cried.—I think I was scarce ever enabled to offer the free grace of God to perishing sinners with more freedom and plainness in my life. Afterwards, I was enabled earnestly to invite the children of God to come renewedly, and drink of this fountain of the water of life, from whence they have heretofore derived unspeakable satisfaction. It was a very comfortable time to me. There were many tears in the assembly; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor sinners of their need of Christ. In the evening, I felt composed and comfortable, though much tired. I had some sweet sense of the excellency and glory of God; my soul rejoiced that he was "God over all blessed for ever;" but was too much crowded with company and conversation, and longed to be more alone with God. Oh that I could for ever bless God for the mercy of this day, who answered me in the joy of my heart."

The remainder of this week seems to have been spent under a decay of this life and joy, and in distressing conflicts with corruption; but not without some seasons of refreshment and comfort.

Lord's day, Feb. 24. "In the morning was much perplexed. My Interpreter being absent, I knew not how to perform my work among the Indians. However, I rode to them, got a Dutchman to interpret for me, though he was but poorly qualified for the business. Afterwards, I came and preached to a few white people, from John vi. 67. Then said Jesus unto the twelve, &c. Here the Lord seemed to unburden me in some measure, especially towards the close of my discourse: I felt freedom to open the love of Christ to his own dear disciples. When the rest of the world forsakes him, and are for



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