him at once for six weeks, as a vagrant and vagabond-we shall see then how things turn out in the mean time." "As a vagabond?" will you, said the stranger, with a glance of fire. And the aliquis quorum was about to recriminate, when I, impelled by an uncontrollable burst of feeling, stepped forward, and desired to offer a few remarks. His worship, upon learning that they were to be in favour of the " culprit," was at first indisposed to listen to me, and required a proper description of myself. Fortunately, I had credentials about me sufficient to prove that I was, as I had represented myself, a London attorney-an announcement which caused a general silence while I addressed the bench-alias, the man in the elbow chair. I made a few observations upon the case, gently hinting that there was such a thing as an action for false imprisonment-that there was no law to punish a man merely for refusing to tell his name; and finally, suggested that the landlord of the Bear should be sent for. This being done, Mr B. stated, in answer to some questions from me, that, excepting the gentleman's unaccountable antipathy to having a name, he had acted as much like a gentleman as any gentleman he had ever had in his house; and moreover, that he had been talking that very morning of staying at his inn for a month. I then examined the fisherman as to his having seen me before, and, upon his reply in the affirmative, I asked him if I had not put the very selfsame question to him in regard to what vessels sailed along the coast, and receiving his answer to the same effect, I begged to know if his worship thought he would be justified in committing me. In conclusion, I urged the necessity of the acceptance of bail, and tendering a fifty-pound note, offered to become a surety for the stranger's re-appearance. All this time the stranger had been surveying me, as I thought, with some degree of dissatisfaction. Whether I succeeded in effecting a revolution in his worship's sentiments I cannot tell certain it is I did in his actions; but reluctant, seemingly, to lose his object, he observed" He has been swearing, however." I proffered the fine, which was ac*cepted; and the unknown was then discharged upon my security-some words reaching my ears from the constable about reward, and from the fisherman about expenses. On leaving the justice's house, we walked some distance without interchanging a word; I, in the practice of my unobtrusive system, preserving a studied silence. Presently he thrust his arm within mine, and began to address me in the style of "Pierre to Jaffier." "'Twas not well done. I would have seen," said he, "that justice and his peace blockhead at the lowest regions of Tartarus, before I would have yielded a point to them. I am too indifferent to all that can happen; however, I ought not to be the less obliged to you for your kindness-a stranger as I am; for, after all, your interference has probably saved me from the unpleasant consequence of my obstinacy. I am not insensible to the delicacy of your behaviour last night; but remember, you are to dine with me to-day; you shall then judge whether or not I have cause to hate a name, as you have perceived I do." Upon this we parted for a few hours, leaving me, as may be supposed, anxious to learn the reasons of his extraordinary aversion to a cogno men. I will not trouble the reader with an uninteresting detail of the various conjectures which I formed in the interim; and I have the less authority for doing so, as none of them approached the truth. If any one who may peruse this account, entertain any doubts as to the correctness of this general assertion, I pray them to lay aside this paper for a few moments, and employ themselves in arranging their ideas in as many combinations as their patience will permit. From the failure of their own fancies they will the more readily believe that I did not hit the mark. Those who are disposed to take my own word, may proceed with me at once to the stranger's relation. I waited on the stranger, according to invitation, in the afternoon; and, as I am not writing professedly for cooks, it will be sufficient to say that the dinner was excellent and abundant, with no want of concomitants. That affair transacted, including a few incidental remarks, he bade me select my liquor and light my cigar, and on complying with his hospitable mandates, "When I left the metropolis, with the intention of abiding in a spot where in all likelihood I might be perfectly unknown, I certainly imagined that I should have escaped any further annoyance; but the ridiculous scene at the justice's this morning makes me very dubious of success any where. The justice was nearer the truth, perhaps, than he himself suspected, when he said that it was not my first examination; but his deductions from that supposition were altogether wrong. 'We do but row, we're steer'd by fate,' says Hudibras; and it does appear to me asif the steerage were completely taken out of my hands: one name was a plague to me, half-a-dozen others did me as much disservice, and the want of one is just as troublesome. But I must resolve this enigmatical talk. You must know, then, that I am the son of I know not whom. I will credit my senses that I am of sober flesh and blood; but to whom I owe these said attributes of humanity I am in the most profound ignorance. The first time that I may be said to be cognisant of my existence, I was under the care of an aged and respectable couple, named Smith, in a little village in Bedfordshire, who appeared to have nothing to do but to attend to me. Them I addressed by the endearing appellation of father and mother; and had their respective paternity and ma ternity been actual, they could not have evinced more solicitude for my welfare. It was, therefore, with the deepest sorrow that I learned, in my tenth year, that I was to be translated to a school in Oxfordshire, conducted by a Mr E., a man of spotless integrity, as I have every reason to acknowledge. There appeared to be some necessity in the case; for the guardians of my early years were as grieved as myself at the moment of separation. Be that as it may, the separation took place, and I found myself in a situation to which the comparative solitude of my former one gave additional novelty. Here I was duly docketed and classed as Master Edward Smith, the first cog nomen by which I was distinguished, and here my cognominal troubles began. I was of a quiet and docile disposition, and had been always more partial to reading than to those trifling amusements, a fondness for which is the usual characteristic of children; and being now placed in a more extended field of study, I was not slow in availing myself of the advantages offered by it. My consequent attention and progress procured me the good-will of principal and assistants; but unfortunately, and as if to detract from my happiness, there were six or seven other Smiths in the school, which was pretty numerous, and several of these being Edwards, in spite of the utmost vigilance, it was not always possible to avoid a confounding of names, and with them the per. sons who bore them. Thus, for instance, at the end of one half-year, I was inexpressibly mortified to find a parcel of black marks set down to my account for absence from prayers, neglect in attendance on the matin bell, improper disposition of the chairs and baskets in the bedrooms, with a variety of other delinquencies, which those who have been schoolboys will readily remember; and I do believe the little wretches who rejoiced in the name of Smith, which to me was a cause of torment, often wilfully contrived to throw the blame upon me. The correct performance of my tasks, however, being repeated propria persona, could never be disputed. With such vexations, sometimes trifling, sometimes serious, several years glided on, till at last that which I then considered the crowning one occurred. One summer's afternoon, a number of the boys were allowed to go out by themselves, among whom my evil genius caused me to be included. As I have already hinted, my inclination not being adapted for the rough fun which boys generally seek on such occasions, I withdrew from the rest, and reclining sub tegmine of some tree or other, no matter which, in the neighbouring fields, I set myself to the quiet enjoyment of a volume of Hume and Smollett which I had borrowed from the principal's library. The exploits of our Fifth Henry so attracted my attention, that I suffered the other boys to return some time before me. When I reached the house, the footman, with an ominous formality, desired me to proceedimmediately to the schoolroom, where the first thing that struck me was all the Smiths congregated together in front of the principal's desk, in which Mr. E. himself was enthroned, the four teachers flanking right and left. Having obeyed Mr E,'s com. mand to take a station foremost among the said Smiths, he began to interrogate me in a most unwonted tone, as to where I had been and what I had been doing. Alarmed as I was at such a sudden display, I gathered up nerve enough to answer him. To the next question." Was there any one to corroborate my story?"-I was obliged to answer in the negative, as indeed I had none except Hume and Smollett, and I need tell you they were not available witnesses. The other little vagabonds held together in a tale, till, though still ignorant of these, to me, awful proceedings, I wished myself at Agincourt before I had indulged in my solitary mood. It is not improbable that they were prompted to revenge upon my accustomed disdain of their petty amusements. After a few more queries, I ventured to propose one, with a view to ascertain what was the matter; but all the answer I received was, "I am sorry appearances are so much against you, and that you probably know more than you acknowledge.' This I thought very hard from Mr E., who had always shown so much partiality to me; but I now see that he was a perfect school Brutus, who suffered no private feelings to interfere with his notions of justice. Mr E. then desired the footman to usher in Mrs Smith, (Smith again,) who made her appearance accordingly, in the shape of a decrepid old woman hobbling upon a stick; but her lameness and figure were misfortunes which I am not the one to ridicule, I will therefore only say that she was very unlike the Mrs Smith of my early years. From her story, repeated at the request of Mr E., I first learned what all the parade was about. It appeared that several of the boyshaving been amusing themselves with gunpowder and fireworks near this old woman's cottage, one of them maliciously threw a squib into a shed at a little distance, with design doubtless only to terrify two pigs and a donkey contained in it; the squib, however, communicating with some straw, not only frightened the animals, but was the cause of their being burned, together with the shed. A lad, who came up at the time, heard the boy nearest the shed addressed by his companions as they took to flight by the, to me, unlucky name of Smith; and this, as none of them could be recognised, was the only clue she possessed to the perpetrator of the mischief, besides being previously aware that the gang belonged to Mr E.'s school. The sight of the tears coursing each other over her aged cheeks as she detailed her losses, and the expected consequences touching my heart, rather generously constituted, made me put my hand in my pocket, always well supplied by my savings, and offer the amount to her. I glanced at Mr E., and thought I saw a smile of approbation beaming upon his features; but a whisper from a new writing-master, who had been a lawyer's clerk, gathered them up again into formidable and revengeful wrinkles, while he forbade the application of the money to the intended purpose. He then sermonized a little on the heinousness of falsehood, and required the solemn denials of the Smiths, which I gave with at least as much truth as any of them. Mr E., thus unable to discover the real actor of the deed, exhibited some of the signs of the irritabile genus; and reasoning in this manner, that, as the Smiths of that afternoon's party could and would not make any discovery, they were all participes criminis, he announced his intention on the morrow, if the actual delinquent was not forthcoming, to subject all the Smiths of that set to a severe flogging, and to appropriate their pocket-money to a joint purse to repair the old woman's damage. With this warning we were dispatched to our beds. My growing detestation of the name of Smith was now at its full height, and I internally vowed, on the first opportunity, to put myself hors-du-catalogue of Smith. I found that a common name was a common pest; but I had yet to learn that a name might place a person in a yet more awkward predicament. In the bedroom, some of my schoolfellows (uncursed, lucky mortal, with the name of Smith) informed me that my prolonged absence had principally fixed suspicion on me, as it was generally attributed to fear. The next morning, the required discovery hav ing remained uneffected, the threatened flagellation took place, and my back was punished for nothing that I could comprehend, but because I bore the thrice-devoted name of Smith! -the pocket allowances being put under stoppages to repay Mr E. the money immediately advanced to rebuild the shed, and purchase a fresh donkey and pigs. I have perhaps dwelt too long upon this story; but I really could not abstract it, warmed as I am by the recollection of my unmerited sufferings, and the remembrance of subsequent occurrences. Some two or three years after, how ever, I had the consolation of being acquitted of any share in the mischief, by the confession of the true delinquent after leaving the school. "As I was so long a sojourner at House, you may suppose I saw many bid farewell to the mansion, and many new comers in their place. I did so; but, as I am a living man, I do not believe that the Smiths ever diminished in number. However, though I continued every now and then to experience some annoyance from that little detestable five-lettered monosyllable, none of them came up to the striking one of the donkey and pigs, which perhaps you as heartily execrate as I did at the time." At this intimation of a dread on his part that he was ennuying me, I assured him that I was highly interested in his relation. Apparently satisfied with these assurances, he emptied his glass, replenished it, and pursued the thread of his discourse. " I was now about eighteen, when Mr E. one day called me in to his private study, and informed me that he had just received the news of the death of my supposed parents within a few hours of each other. I had visited them constantly during the holidays, and on my last visit perceived no signs of decay. I had often pleased myself with the idea of residing with them and cheering their old age, and this first disappointment shocked me extremely. They were a worthy pair,' continued Mr E., observing my agitation, and I regret their loss, * not only on their own account but on yours. Why I was selected to conduct your education I do not know; but when I received you from them, they gave me to understand that they were not at liberty to divulge any particulars concerning you till your present year; the funds assigned for your maintenance were transferred to me at the time of your removal here, but their sudden decease leaves us both in the dark as to your real parentage. The principal is still in my hands, and according to their directions is to continue with me till your majority; nor do I think you will find it the worse for my management. It is now time that you should mingle in general society, that you may wear off your school rust, and be qualified for the respectable rank it will be in your power to maintain. Though you must submit to remain with me for three years longer, I am not afraid of trusting you meanwhile.' I wept abundantly during this kind address, afflicted as I was, too, with the thoughts of my early protectors. I learned from him that I should have, chiefly from arrears of interest, and a judicious outlay of capital, an income of several hundreds a-year with which to enter the world. I was accordingly withdrawn from scholastic matters, a separate room was fitted up for me, and the servants ordered to wait on me as on himself. Pursuant to his plan, he introduced me to various parties, and at intervals I visited London; but wherever I went the execrable name of Smith met me, often as thickly packed as cages in a bird-fancier's. I could almost have imagined at that period that the surnames of Adam and Eve were Smith, and that the largest portion of the earth's inhabitants were Smithed, particularly after reading in a newspaper that a Scotchman had been discovered domiciliated among the Red Indians of America, and that he was a Smith. I am now, however, satisfied, that when the mind has a name strongly impressed upon it, its attention is more readily drawn to it, and hence the appearance of its being unusually common. I will not detain " It is a name so spread o'er 'Sir' and Madam,' That one might think the first who bore it Adam.” Don Juan, Canto VII.-XXV. † A fact. you with any of my meditations du- accident-forgetful that this was also ring the three years preceding the termination of my legal infancy but to add, that first among them was the determination to drop my name as soon as my power equalled my will. My romantic imagination often raised some bright images of connubial felicity; but none of the belles dames whom I encountered reached my standard of female excellence, so that my attentions never exceeded respect. My time was mostly spent in study, and occasional communications with the magazines. Some of my productions met with applause which common sense would suppose I should have at least possessed alone; but the signature of Smith left me but a small portion of my earnings. There were too many Smiths communicating with the magazines. On one occasion some of my rhymes, on which I had bestowed more than common pains, appeared as if I was to be mortified in proportion to my efforts actually preceded and followed by some really miserable verses compared with those of your humble servant, with the very selfsame signature attached to them; and on another, the editor formally requested his Smith correspondents to affix some distinguishing mark, as he had been a good deal troubled with the nominal (certainly only nominal) similarities. I should weary your patience were I to relate all the little disagreeable situations in which that every-point-of-the-compass name involved me; suffice it to say, that I at length attained my twenty-first year. Resolved to settle in London, where I imagined I could put my design into execution, I proceeded accordingly to that city, accompanied by Mr E., for the purpose of being invested by him with the sole control of my money, which was laid out in the public funds, and for every farthing of which he faithfully accounted. For a rational use of it, he had already prepared me by the admirable manner in which he had gradually accustomed me to the value of money. After a short stay, he left me with many affectionate admonitions and demonstrations of regard. In pursuance of my determination, my first letter to him contained a request that he would in future address me as Mr Jones-a name which I pitched upon by mere If the a travelled appellation. I assigned no reason, nor did he seek for one. You are doubtless surprised at my early sensitiveness about a name. motives I have mentioned will not account for it, I can give you no other, unless you suppose me afflicted with a peculiar madness which the Stoics were wont to ascribe to every one. If you are inclined to smile at it, do so; but allow me to answer in the language of Horace ' Qui me deridet, caudam trahat.' "My first lodging, which I obtained without difficulty, from being personally known as a friend of Mr E., was in a boarding-house kept by the widow of a naval officer, whose table was frequented by a select and fashionable party, and where I consequently mingled in the best society. Though a proper degree of selfesteem restrained me from plunging into the vortex of dissipation, it did not altogether prevent my joining in some of the gay scenes of the sphere in which I was moving. The theatres, balls, masquerades, and entertainments of all kinds, were acceptable to me; not because I was really enraptured with the trifles which form the bulk of amusements at such places, but because I loved to see every one happy about me-such a sight causing a feeling of happiness to myself. I desired also to see life in all its various grades; but my timidity withheld me from going too far without a guide, and as yet I had none. I ventured once, in my eagerness, to bribe a beg gar to take me to a beggar's feast somewhere near Saffron Hill; but as I could not support the character properly, the deceit was detected, and I scarcely escaped with a whole skin by leaping through a window. The man who introduced me was expelled from their fraternity, and became very troublesome in his demands upon me, in consideration of his silence, and his loss, as the fellow had the impudence to term it. For the former, as it turned out, I owed him nothing; and the pressgang soon after rid me of any further importunity on account of the latter. This adventure increased my caution, and I confined myself to my own circle "Among the individuals whom I met |