1786. The Accident. 465 The Accident. intrude upon your charity and hospitality;" and, without waiting for an answer, I sat NEVER in my life premeditated a wrong down upon a chair by the fire-fide; but this I-but I have been repeatedly the lure of contingencies. Should any one feduce my wife, or debauch my daughter, my fifter, or my ward, I fhould put the villain to death; but as I am Chriftian enough to do unto others as I would be done by, I should previously inquire whether it was an act of premeditation or accident. Jofeph is the only man on record who was above the power of accident. Solomon, with all his wifdom, could not equal Jofeph; but went on, from day to day, complaining of, yet practising the vanity of vanities. They were men of different conftitutions -Solomon, though the wifeft man of his time, found nature was too ftrong for him. What an accident the two elders fell into? Accident brought them to the bath of Sufannah. Then poor Lot accidentally going to a cave, with his two daughters, was there made drunk, and being drunk, did more than was done by any drunken man before or fince. Dido, with all the experience of a widow, fell into an accident as fhe was hunting. Recently a lady fell into a fhrubbery-another into a stone coffin-How many fall in the fields? how many in the houses? are not our heels tripped up daily by accidents? What is this life? A chapter of accidents, pointed with commas, femicolons, calons, and periods; and not without its notes of admiration and interrogation. Being at a friend's house in Wales, a few weeks ago, I fell into an accident, I took out my gun to fhoot, and loft my way; but that is not unufual with me, who am often loft in thought.. The night came on, and the fnow fell thick; fo thick it was impoffible to difcover either road or path: I knew not on which fide to turn, or which way to purfue, till at laft spying a smoke at fome diftance, I thanked heaven for the discovery, and took it for my mark, as Mofes did his pillar in the wilderness. Now Mofes never arrived at the land of promise, but that was not my cafe, for within a quarter of an hour after I difcovered the finoke, I was at the door of the cottage, and being numbed with cold, never did mufic found fo grateful to my ear, as the cracking of fome flicks upon the fire within fide. The inftant I knocked, the door flew open, a young maiden fell back a few fteps, with an exclamation, "Blefs me!" which terminated, however, with a down caft look, expreffing innocence of mind, and humility of foul. "I am come, faid I, my pretty maid, to Hib. Mag. Sept. 1786. fhould not have done to peremptorily, if a kind invitation in the eyes of my young hoftefs had not difplayed the liberal folicitations of a generous heart. She looked more than all the good breeding in the world could have communicated by words. "I thought, Sir, faid Gwinnet, for' Gwinnet was her name, I thought, Sir, it had been my grandfather who was at the door, or I fhould have opened it with more caution; but, poor man! he is very old, and will not venture to return home in this ftorm." The devil whispered the word opportunity in my ear. Avaunt, Satan! Virtue peeped through the eyes of Gwinnet, and the devil fied, but nature remained. Gwinnet increased the fire. Gwinnet warmed me some ale, and Gwin- « net, not having fupped, after long perfuafion fat down to partake of what she had prepared. The hour grew late. "Your grandfather, faid I, will certainly not return to-night; do retire to reft, and I will compose myself here by the fire." "No, Sir, answered Gwinnet, I will fit up in the next room, where a young brother and fifter lies, and you may have that bed (pointing to a large prefs bed) to fleep upon." Gwinnet immediately proceeded to lay down the bed, and, while she was laying it down, I learned from her that her father was a foldier, with five children; that her mother was with him in Ireland; and that fhe and the brother and fifter fhe had mentioned depended wholly upon the grandfather, a Welch curate of ten pounds a year. The bed, being down, filled the room; it was impoffible for Gwinnet to reach her chamber without croffing it. It was a complete blockade, and poor Gwinnet stood viewing it overwhelmed with confusion. Her confufion heightened her beauty. Had the archbishop of Canterbury been there, he must have done the same as Í didhe must have paid compliments to Gwinnet. In fuch fituations archbishops are but men, the compliment was first upon her complec tion, then on her eyes, then to her teeth, and then afcended to her hair. Her hair fell upon her shoulders in ringlets. Turning a curl over the fore-finger of my right hand, I obferved, and as I obferved I fighed, that Gwinnet's hair curled most naturally. O Vanity! J O Vanity into what hair-breadth scrapes doft thou lead the fond heart of woman! "How prettily, faid I, how prettily your hair curls down upon your shoulder's. "I have more under this, anfwered Gwinnet, taking off a little ftraw hat with a pink binding, and difcovering a fuperabundance of treffes; but good night," faid the, laying her foot across the bed to get over to the door of her own apartment, and offering me her hand for affiftance, it was impoffible to cross the bed at one ftep, fo that the laid her right foot gently upon the center of the bed. Oh! for a curfe against caterwauling The cat had got under the coverlid-Gwinnet's foot lighted on the cat, who mewed out and fled, Gwinnet fhrieked out and fell-I Here there is a chaẩm, or hiatus, or whatever you chufe to term it, in the ftory, which cannot be filled up. The Dean of the Cathedral Badajoz. HE dean of the cathedral of Bada can he fo far mistake me as to rank me with fuch monsters?" He then repeated all the maxims and apophthegms which he had read, on the fubject of gratitude, and every refined fentiment his memory could furnish. "In fhort, he talked fo well that the conjurer, after having cenfidered a moment, confeffed he could refufe nothing to a man of fuch abilities, and fo ready at pertinent quotations. Jacintha, said he, calling to his old woman, lay down two partridges to the fire; I hope my friend, the Dean, will do me the honour to fup with me to-night. At the fame time he takes him by the hand, and leads him into his cabinet; there, he touches his forehead, muttering three myf terious words, which I muft requeft the rea der not to forget, Ortobolan, Pilafrier, Onagriouf; then, without farther preparation, he began to explain, with all poffible perfpicuity, the introductory elements of his profound science. "His new difciple liftened with an attention which scarcely permitted him to breathe; when, on a fudden, Jacintha enters, follow. ed by a little man, in monftrous boots, and covered with mud up to the neck, who de "Tjoz was more learned than all the fired to speak with the Dean on very impor doctors of Salamanca, Coimbra, and Alcala united. He understood all languages, living and dead, and was perfect mafter of every fcience, divine and human; except that, unfortunately, he had no knowledge of magic, and was inconfolable when he reflected on his ignorance in that fublime art. He was told that a very able magician refided in the fuburbs of Toledo, named Don Torribio. Immediately, he faddled his mule, departed for Toledo, and alighted at the door of no very fuperb dwelling, the habitation of that great man. "Moft reverend magician, faid he, addreffing himself to the fage, I am the Dean of Badajoz. The learned men of Spain all allow me their fupe ior, but I am come to requeft from you a far greater honour; that of becoming your pupil. Deign to initiate me in the myfteries of your art, and doubt not but you shall receive a grateful acknowledgment, fuitable to the benefit conferred, and your own extraordinary merit." "Don Torribio was not very polite, though he valued himfe f on being intimately acquainted with the beft company in hell. He told the Dean he was welcome to feek elfewhere for a mafter in magic; for that, for his part, he was weary of an occupation which produced nothing but compliments and promises, and that he would not difhonour the occu't fciences, by proftituting them to the ungrateful. "To the ungrateful! cried the Dean: has then the great Don Torribio met with perions who have proved ungrateful! and tant bufinefs. "This was the poftillion of his uncle, the bishop of Badajoz, who had been fent exprefs after him, and had galloped quite to Toledo, before he could overtake him; he came to bring him information that, fome hours after his departure, his grace had been attacked by fo violent an apoplexy that the moft terrible confequences were to be appre hended. The Dean heartily curfed (inwardly that is, and fo as to occafion no fcandal) at once the diforder, the patient, and the cou rier, who had certainly all three chofen the moft impertinent time poffible. He difmiffed the poftillion, telling him to make hafte back to Badajoz, whither he would prefently follow him: after which he returned to his leflon, as if there were no fuch things as either uncles or apoplexies. "A few days after he again received news from Badajoz, but fuch as was well worth hearing. The principal chanter and two old canons came to inform the Dean that his uncle, the right reverend bifhop, had been taken to heaven to receive the reward of his piety; and that the Chapter, canonically af fembled, had chofen him to fill the vacant bishoprick, and humbly requested he would confole, by his prefence, the afflicted church of Badajoz, now become his fpiritual bride. to "Don Torribio, who was prefent at this harangue of the deputies, endeavoured derive advantage from what he had learned, and, taking afide the new bifhop, after hav ing paid him a well-turned compliment his promotion, proceeded to inform him that 1786. The Dean of Badajoz. 467 that he had a fon, named Benjamin, poffef- human science; but that it is alfo the duty fed of much ingenuity and good inclination; of divines to point out to others the way to but in whom he had never perceived either heaven, and plant, in the minds of their taste or talents for the occult fciences; he hearers, wholesome doctrine and Chriftian had therefore, he said, advised him to turn morality. his thoughts towards the church, and had now, he thanked leaven, the fatisfaction to hear him commended, as one of the most deferving divines among all the clergy of Toledo: he, therefore, took the liberty moft humbly to requeft his Grace to bestow, on Don Benjamin, the deanery of Badajoz, which he could not retain together with his bishoprick. "I am very unfortunate, replied the prelate, apparently fomewhat embarraffed; you will, I hope, do me the juftice to believe that nothing could give me fo great a pleasure as to oblige you, in every request. But, the truth is, I have a coufin, to whom I am heir, an old ecclefiaftic, who is good for nothing but to be a dean; and, if I do not beftow on him this preferment, I must embroil my felf with my family, which would be far from agreeable. But, continued he, in an affectionate manner, will you not accompany me to Badajoz ? Can you be fo cruel as to forfake me just at the moment when it is in my power to be of service to you? Be perfuaded, my honoured master: we will go together; think of nothing but the improvement of your pupil, and leave me to provide for Don Benjamin; nor doubt but, fooner or later, I will do more for him than you expect A paltry Deanery, in the remoteft part of Eftremadura, is not a benefice fuitable to the son of fuch a man as yourself." "The canon law would, no doubt, have conftrued this offer of the prelate's into fimony. The proposal, however, was açcepted; nor was any feruple made by either of these two very intelligent perfons Don Torribio followed his illuftrious pupil to Badajoz, where he had an elegant apartment affigned him, in the epifcopal palace, and was treated with the utmost respect, by all the diocese, as the favourite of his grace, and a kind of grand vicar. "Under the tuition of so able a master, the bishop of Badajoz made a rapid progrefs, in the occult fciences. At first, he gave him felf up to them with an ardour which might appear exceffive: but this intemperance grew by degrees more moderate; and he purfued them with fo much prudence that his magical ftudies never interfered with the duties of his diocefe. He was well convincd of the truth of a maxim, very important to be remembered by ecclefiaftics, whether addicted to forcery or only philofophers and admirers of literature, that it is not fufficient o affist at learned nocturnal meetings, or dorn the mind with the embellishments of "Regulating his conduct by these commendable principles, the learned prelate was celebrated throughout Chriftendom, for his merit and piety; and promoted, when he leaft. ected fuch an honour, to the archbishopric of Compoftella. "The people and clergy of Badajoz lamented, as may be fuppofed, an event by which they were deprived of fo worthy a paftor; and the canons of the cathedral, to teftify their refpect, unanimously conferred on him the right of nominating his fucceffor. "Don Torribio did not neglect so allur. ing an opportunity, to provide for his fon. He requefted the bishoprick of the new arch bishop, and was refused with all imaginable politenefs. He had, he faid, the greatest veneration for his old mafter, and was both forry and ashamed it was not in his power to grant a thing which appeared fo very a trifle; but, in fact, Don Ferdinand de Lara, conftable of Caftile, had asked this fame bishoprick, for his natural fon; and, though he had never seen that nobleman, he had, he faid, fome fecret, important, and, what was more, very ancient obligations to him. It was, therefore, an indifpenfable duty to prefer an old benefactor to a new one: but that he ought not to be difcouraged at this proof of his juftice, as he might learn, by that, what he had to expect when his turn arrived; which it certainly would the very first opportunity. This anecdote, concerning the ancient obligations of the archbishop, the magician had the goodness to believe; and rejoice 1, as much as he was able, that his interefts were facrificed to thofe of Don Ferdinand. "Nothing, therefore, was thought of but preparations for their departure to Compoftella, where they were now to refide. Though these were fcarcely worth the trouble, confidering the short time they were deftined to remain there; for, at the end of a few months, one of the pope's chamberlains arrived, who brought the archbishop a cardinal's cap, with an epiftle, conceived in the moft refpectful terms, in which his holiness invited him to affift, by his counfel, in the government of the Chriftian world; permitting him, at the fame time, to difpofe of his mitre, in favour of whom he pleated. “Don Torribio was not at Compostella, when the courier of the holy father arrived: he had been to fee his fon, who ftill continued a prieft, in a small parish, at Toledo ; but he prefently returned, and was not put Nan & to to the trouble of asking for the vacant archbifhoprick. The prelate ran to meet him with open arms. "My dear mafter, faid he, I have two pieces of good news to relate at once. Your difciple is created a cardinal, and your fon fhall-fhortly-be advanced to the fame dignity. I had intended, in the mean time, to have beftowed on him the archbishoprick of Compoftella; but, unfortunately for him, or rather for me, my mother, whom we left at Badajoz, has, during your abfence, written to me a cruel letter, by which all my measures have been disconcerted. She will not be pacified, unless I appoint for my fucceffor the archdeacon of my former church, Don Pablos de Salazar, her intimate friend and confeffor; fhe tells me it will occafion her death, if the fhould not be able to obtain preferment for her dear father in God; and I have no doubt but what fhe fays is true. Imagine yourself in my place, my dear mafter. Shall I be the death of my mother? "Don Torribio was not a perfon who would incite or urge his friend to be guilty of parricide; nor did he indulge himself in the leaft refentment against the mother of the prelate. "To fay the truth, however, this mother, he talked of, was a good kind of woman, nearly fuperannuated, who lived quietly with her cat and maid fervant, and fcarcely knew the name of her confeffor. Was it likely, then, that fhe had procured Don Pablos his archbishoprick? Was it not far more probable that he was indebted for it to a Gallican lady, his coufin, a young widów, at once devout and handfome, in whofe company his grace the archbishop had frequently been edified, during his refidence at Compofiella? Be it as it may, Don Tor ribio followed his eminence to Rome, Scarcely had he arrived in that city before the pope died. It is eafy to imagine the confequence of this event. The conclave met. A the voices of the facred college were unanimous in favour of the Spanish cardinal. Behold him, therefore, pope! "Immediately after the ceremonies of his exaltation, Don Torribio, admitted to a fecret audience, wept with joy, while he kiffed the feet of his dear pupil, whom he faw fill with fo much dignity the pontifical throne. He modeftly reprefented his long and faithful fervices. He reminded his holinefs of his promifes: thofe inviolable promifes which he had renewed, before he entered the conclave. He hinted at the hat which he had quitted, on receiving the tiara; but instead of deman ling that hat for Don Bnjanin, he finished, with most exemplary moderation, renouncing if his holiness would beftow on them, together with his benediction, the fmalleft temporal benefit. Such as an annuity for life, fufficient for the few wants of an ecclefiaftic and a philofopher. "During this harangue. the fovereign Pontiff confidered within himfelf how to difpofe of his preceptor. He reflected that he was no longer very neceffary, that he already knew more of magic than was fufficieat for a Pope, that it must be highly im proper for him to appear at the nocturnal assemblies of forcerers, and affift at their indecent ceremonies. After weighing every circumftance, his Holiness concluded that Don Torribio was not only a useless, but a troublefome dependent; and, this point decided, he was no longer in doubt what asfwer to return; accordingly he replied in the following words: "We have learned, with concern, that, under the pretext of cultivating the occult fciences, you maintain' a horrible intercourse with the spirit of darknefs and deceit; wherefore we exhort you, as a father, to expiate your crime by a repentance proportionate to its enormity Moreover, we enjoin you to depart from the territories of the church, within three days, under pain of being delivered over to the fecular arm, and its merciless flames." "Don Torribio, without being difcon certed, immediately repeated aloud the three mysterious words which the reader was defired to remember; and, going to the window, cried out, with all his force, Jacintha, you need fpit but one partridge, for my friend, the Dean, will not fup here to night. This was a thunderbolt to the imaginary Pope: he immediately recovered from a kind of trance, into which he had been thrown by the three magic words, when they were first pronounced, and perceived that, instead of being in the Vatican, he was ftill at Toledo, in the clofet of Don Toribio, and faw, by the clock, it was not yet a com plete hour fince he first entered that fatal cabinet, where he had been entertained with fuch pleafant dreams. In that fhort time he had imagined himself a magician, a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, a pope, and, at laft, found he was only a dupe and a knave All was illufion, except the proofs he had given of his deceitfulness, and evi heart. He inftantly departed, without fpeaking a word, and, finding his mule where he had left her, returned to Badajoz, without hav ing made the fmalleft progrefs in the fublime feience in which he had propofed to become an adept." Anecdotes of the celebrated Sultan Salatią. ALADIN, the illuftrious hero of the ambitioys hope. He and his son, he laid, S Eaft, although the abfolute mafter cf would both eftecm themselves too happy, the lives and fortunes of his subjects, was remark. of Gorges Edmond Forjava remarkable for his juftice and moderation. One day, after the court had retired, he was enjoying the converfation of fome intimate friends, when a flave, of a certain rank, prefented a petition to him in behalf of an oppreffed perfon. The Sultan answered, that he was fatigued at that moment, and that he wished the affair, whatever it was, might be poftponed. The flave, fo far from paying any attention to this intimation, had the audacity to throw the petition at the Sultan's face. The latter, having read it, declared that the requifition it contained was juft-"Let our Sovereign Lord fignit then," faid the flave." Here is no ink-ftand," anfwered the Sultan, who, being then fitting at the door of his tent, prevented any one from entering.- "You have one in the infide of the tent," replied the flave. This reply, as the Hiftorian has juftly remarked, amount ed to hardly lefs than a command to his Prince, to rife and fetch the ink-stand himfelf. The Sultan turning his head, faw the ink-ftand behind him, and exclaimed: "This man is right."-He inftantly rofe, and figned the petition. Another Anecdote is related of this magnanimous Prince. Bohadin, an Arabian Hiftorian, who relates the fact, was one day exercifing the functions of a Judge, at Jerufalem. A venerable old Merchant prefented a petition, which he requested him inftantly to read, Bohadin having read it, enquired who was his adverfary. “It is," anfwered the Merchant, "the Sultan himfelf; but this is the tribunal of juftice, and juftice I expect; for I know," continued he, "that you adminifter juftice without refpect to perfons."-Bohadin anfwered, that he could not decide upon the affair, until his adverfary was previouly furnmoned. The Sultan, accordingly, being informed of the affair, appeared in court, and produced his witneffes. His caufe, which was founded on juftice, he pleaded himself, and gained. Neverthelefs, fo far from refenting the behaviour of the Merchant, he gave him a rich robe, and a confiderable prefent. Anecdotes of Gorges Edmond Howard, Efq; HIS fingular character, who afforded He Tmuch entertainment to the circle of his acquaintance, feems to claim fome notice on his departure out of the world. united in his own perfon talents and abfurdity, genius and application, law and poetry, in fhort, fenfe and nonfenfe; and was equally the butt and companion of the wits of his times and of his country. He received his fchool-education' under the Rev. Dr. Sheridan, the companion of Swift, then efteemed the firft fchoolmafter in Ireland. With him he remained until he was fitted for the university of Dublin. 40g "I was firft," fays he, fpeaking of himfelf, "intended for the church, and my paffion was to be a Fellow of the faid Univerfity; but Mr. Nixon, then the clerk of the Pleas office of the Exchequer, having conceived a liking for me, offered to take me an apprentice to him, without any fee; and as in his office I might quickly earn fomewhat to maintain me, thefe confiderations induced my mother, whose finances were but small, and others, my relations and friends, to perfuade me to accept of this offer, which I accordingly did, though againft my inclinations abundantly. The confequence of this was, that for three years I gave but little attention to my business; and at length, having had fome difference with my faid law-mafter, and the then Spanifh war being proclaimed, I left him, and engaged as a cadet in General Otway's regiment of foot, where I carried arms for near twelve months; at the end of which period, my relations and friends having again interfered, I returned to my service; in which I continued an additional year, to compenfate for the time I had been abfent: yet, for almoft two years more, my appli cation to the bufinefs in the profeffion was with much indifference; in which interval I not only wrote feveral little odes, which were inferted in our public papers of thofe times, but alfo formed the sketch of a tragedy on the ftory of Abradatus, Arafpes, and Panthea, in Xenophon, which I finished fome fhort time after I had been fworn an attorney. "This piece was to have been exhibited on the ftage in Ireland; but having, by preferring thus my pleafures to my profit, neglected fome little fuit, with which I had been entrufted, and thinking myself in honour bound to repair the lofs (which was fome coft in the caufe) out of my own feanty finances, and recollecting what had been faid to me by a very celebrated witty genius, on reading a tranflation by me of one of the odes of Horace into English verse, when I was at fchool, of which he approved, begun, I might have the honour of ftarving "That if I proceeded in the way I had in ;' very morning tragedy was to have been put into rehearfal, I threw the manufcript into the fire, and made a folemn vow not to write a line of poetry for five years." Mr. Howard then applied affiduously, and with great fuccefs, to his profeffion of an attorney; "fo that (fays he) for two-andtwenty years and upwards, it was the aftonifhment of every one how I could poffibly go through what I did; and yet in this interim, I publifhed my Treatifes on the Law and Equity Side of the Exchequer, in four large octavo volumes, and several other mifcel |